C's Path to a Healthy Life

Dinner Menu for January 23 - January 30

2011-01-23T08:33:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned in my last post, I'm making an effort this week to plan and even prepare our meals. I already baked my bagels for the week yesterday. I think we might run out of bread so I have to consider baking more bread too.

Dinner Menu
Sunday - Vegan Thai Fried Rice. I made this last week and we loved it! I was craving Thai food and since we were on our January spending freeze, I didn't have the option of going out to eat. I used a variety of recipes I found online.
Monday - Leftover Thai Fried Rice
Tuesday - Three Bean Chili from The Vegan Table cookbook by Colleen Patrick-Goudreau
Wednesday - Three Bean Chili leftovers
Thursday - Broccoli and Red Pepper Pasta. This is a variation of a Weight Watcher recipe my mom gave me last year. I think it's actually called Red Pepper Pasta, but I usually add in broccoli and other vegetables like spinach.
Friday - Pasta Leftovers
Saturday - Vegetarian Bean and Barley Soup with Home Fried Potatoes from The Vegan Table and possibly these vegan biscuits. We're having friends over, so I'm hoping this menu will satisfy non-vegans.

I'm sure you've noticed a "leftover" theme in my menu planning. I'm not sure if I've discussed it before, but that is the norm in my kitchen. 95% of the time we eat the leftovers until it's gone. This is my rule for two first. First, it forces us to actually finish the food and not led it go to waste. Second, I don't mind cooking, but I don't love spending every night in the kitchen.

Today I plan on making the Three Bean Chili. That way I don't have to worry about making dinner until Thursday night. Sounds good to me!

January Challenge Fail

2011-01-21T15:13:00.001-08:00

21 days in and I've sort of forgotten and/or broken most of my goals for this month. Well, one of them is for good reason. I get to break our spending freeze because I'm starting a new job on Monday! Woohoo! I need to go shopping for some work clothes. I'm looking forward to this, but part of me can't help but think it would be a much better experience if I've actually be focused and committed for the last 6 weeks. I also realized that because I'm only managing to stay on track for 1 to 2 weeks at a time, I've only lost about 2 pounds in the last 6 weeks. That's pathetic. And it's really all my fault.

I also have started drinking coffee from home. Now it's already becoming part of my routine and will probably stay that way when I start working. Right now I wake up around 7:30 every morning. When I start my job, I think I'll be waking up between 5:15-5:30. I'm going to need coffee for a while to help me out.

Drinking alcohol? Well, at least I've been successful with that one. Although, I am going out for a mimosa brunch on Sunday morning. One or two drinks will be fine.

Stick to my training schedule? Ehhh, sort of. I haven't been running enough, but every time I do run, I'm at least managing to run what I should be according to my schedule. I ran 1.75 miles on Wednesday night even though I hadn't run in a week. It wasn't too hard, but I know it's going to get hard for me soon. So I really need to stay on track from here on out.

Starting my new job is going to help me stay on track, but naturally will make things harder too. I think it will be easier because I'm not home all day with the freedom to eat and bake whatever I want, whenever I want. It is really, really difficult for me to not do those things. The hardest part will be balancing everything. But that's what most people have to do so I think I'll be okay. I also do better with having a routine and the last few weeks I haven't had a routine.

To help stay on track, I will be writing down what I eat. I've been lazy about looking for my old food journal notebook. I need to find it. Also, I am meal planning food for next week and plan on making most of it on Sunday. I know I'm going to be exhausted after work because I always am my first week at a new job.

My new mini-goal is to lose 8 pounds by the end of February. I have about 5 weeks, so that is more than enough time.

Self-Image

2011-01-16T18:23:00.001-08:00

For the majority of the past year I've felt fairly good about what I look like. I know I am not anywhere near where I want to be, but I usually feel very confident. I don't feel like I'm trying to hide my stomach too much. But the other day I realized maybe I should be. I was dressing for an interview and looked in the mirror to see the side view. Not too bad. Until I realized it's because I was using near perfect posture. When I slouch ever so slightly, which is what I'm sure I do in normal everyday life, I could see how someone would think I was pregnant. I've always carried all the extra weight in a perfect little stomach pouch. Everywhere else is fairly balanced, except for my stomach. So now I'm annoyed that I don't look as decent as I thought I have for the last year. I think I'm fooling myself to see what I want to see. I'm not seeing the reality. I think this is why people don't realize they are overweight. We still see ourselves 20+ pounds ago.

Unfortunately, I know from experience that the same issues occurred when I lost weight. I never saw myself as 35 pounds lighter. I can see it now that I look back in photos. Maybe this is why people become overweight so easily and get so discouraged when losing weight. Our self-image takes too long to catch up with reality.

I've also realized that since Thursday, I haven't been on plan at all. I haven't exercised or tracked any of my food. Which isn't the right approach, because I know it will only make me more frustrated to see a gain on the scale Wednesday. I already feel sluggish from being so off track. I'm going to give myself the next week and half to get back on track, so no weigh-in this week. Although, I will be weighing myself daily because I haven't done that the last few days either because I was avoiding the truth.

I'm also going to figure out how to help myself see the reality as I lose weight. I'm very fearful of losing over 30 pounds again and not giving myself credit for it.

Week 5 Weigh-in

2011-01-12T08:58:00.000-08:00

I'm finally feeling back on track and in control after the holiday gain. I lost 1.4 this week. Just .4 away from where I was before Christmas. It will never cease to amaze me that people can gain 5 pounds in a week and it takes a month to lose it. I don't care what the experts say. Sometimes I really do feel like I gained some of this weight overnight.

I had an awesome week with exercise! I'm running, going to Crossfit, and even mixed in a day on the elliptical and did Level 2 of the 30 Day Shred yesterday. I did the 30DS yesterday instead of Crossfit. It really humbled me because I thought it would be easier since I've been doing Crossfit for 8 months. It was a reminder that cross-training is really important. Every type of workout focuses on different muscles and has a different intensity. It feels really good to be moving.

Running has been going great! My training schedule has me running 1.5 miles now. I usually walk for about a tenth of a mile then run 1.5 and then walk another half mile. I ran on Monday and the first mile felt really good and I was already running at a faster pace. It's good to feel that I'm already progressing. My husband and I go the gym at night to run. He gets home, we eat, and then wait about an hour for our food to settle. I feel a lot better about going to workout rather than watching TV all night and playing around on the computer.

This next week I really need to improve actually tracking my food. I was thinking about this yesterday and realized I think I do better journaling in a notebook rather than using the online tracking system. When I use the online system I feel obsessed having to login several times a day, but if I don't track right away, I forget. So a mini-goal for this week is to start using a small notebook to track my food.

Friday's Lunch

2011-01-09T19:44:00.000-08:00

Here's a picture of my lunch from Friday. I want to try to blog more about what I'm eating to show people that vegan's actually eat really good food! I think it's a misconception that vegan food is bad. Believe me, I could not be vegan if the food was bad! Another bonus of being vegan (or even vegetarian) is how easy it is to get in vegetables and fruits!

Lunches have been a little different for me lately since I'm eating from home. I have more time to make lunch. On Friday I had threw some leftover brown rice and black beans into a taco salad. I just mixed in some lettuce, onion, cucumber, and salsa. Usually I'd add avocado too, but mine wasn't ripe yet. :(

I also enjoyed some kale chips. These are a must try! I finally tried them a few weeks ago and they are delicious. I've decided I have to grow kale in my garden this year. The recipe I used is based off of this one. I usually sprinkle with some pepper too.

Week 4 Weigh-in

2011-01-05T08:52:00.001-08:00

I'm so happy the holidays are officially over now. I'm still working on not giving in to my sweet cravings, which are a result from eating all those cookies Christmas week. I think in another week or two I won't be having these thoughts of eating sugary treats.

I lost 1 pound this week. I think I would have loss more if there was no New Years Eve celebration. As I mentioned in my last post, I'm fairly certain alcohol is really bad for my weight. I know that's a given, but I think it affects my weight more than those sugary treats. I was down about a pound on NYE and the next day had gained about 3. I lost those pounds fairly quickly because I put my butt in gear and made sure to drink lots of water the last few days.

My exercise routine is falling into place. I ran Sunday and Monday. Yesterday I did Crossfit and today I'll run again. I'm feeling really good and happy to be moving again after taking a break during the Christmas week.

January Challenge

2011-01-03T09:36:00.000-08:00

I'm still "detoxing" from the holiday season. I'm feeling a little better, but the scale isn't showing it yet.

1. No alcohol this month. I've also become convinced this is what's made me gain weight since I'm up another few pounds after New Years Eve. Ugh. I'm not looking forward to Wednesday's weigh-in.

2. No buying coffee. I'm buying coffee at least two times a week. Probably even three days a week. My special coffee drinks don't even taste good to me anymore so now I'm just wasting money.

3. Stick to my training schedule! I started all over yesterday because it had been about 10 days since my last run. And since I had only completed 2 days of the training schedule, I figured I might was well start all over.

4. Spending freeze. This is going to be really hard. But my husband and I agree we've been spending too much money the last few months and not saving enough. Also, since I'm unemployed now, we don't have that extra money to spend.

Does anyone else have any specific goals for this month?

2010 Picture Review

2010-12-31T12:30:00.000-08:00

January

Began composting! I can't even tell you how many bags of garbage we've saved through composting. Our 20 gallon garbage can is never full and there are many weeks we just don't bother to put anything out for pick-up.

February
One of the most difficult hikes of my life. Even though it's so close and I'm in much better physical condition than I was in February, I'm very hesitant to do it again!
March
Excitedly watched our seeds grow in plants for our vegetable garden.

April
The picture that made me know I had to change something. Actually, this isn't even the exact picture. I deleted that one. But this one is almost just as bad in my opinion.

May
I became vegan and completed my first full month of Crossfit.
Can't find any pictures from May. :(

June
Adopted 2 adorable kittens, Milo and Felix. I still can't believe how tiny these guys were when we got them. They were about 9 weeks old when we adopted them.

July
Visited my grandma in Ohio.
Sadly, I can't find the picture I took with my grandma. :(

August
Traveled to Hawaii for our friends wedding.

September
My 25th Birthday!

October
We were fortunate enough to spend most of this month traveling. We went to Tuscon in the beginning part of the month and France at the end. Here we are at Mont Saint-Michel.

November
Our first vegan Thanksgiving. It was delicious! I know this plate is overloaded, but I didn't go back for seconds!
December
One of our numerous attempts to take a "family" picture.

2010 In Review

2010-12-30T08:10:00.000-08:00

2010 has been a great year for me. I have learned a lot about myself. The biggest lesson I've learned is how to enjoy life and the loved ones that surround me. In many ways, I'm not at all where I've thought I'd be.

A year ago I would have envisioned I was in a job that was a great stepping stone for a long term career. I would have thought I'd been at a more comfortable weight, not close to where I was this time last year. I would have though I'd feel more like an adult. A lot of would have's.

Instead, I've grown in other ways. I battled myself out of situational depression. There were so many major life changes in 2009 that I was not in a good state of mind. I realize the severity of it now that I've been feeling normal for the majority of this year.

I started and fell in love with Crossfit. Although, I admit I've been feeling a little burnt out from it the last month or two, but that's why I realized it's time for me to add other forms of exercise in my routine.

I became vegan. I would have never thought I'd be able to live this lifestyle. But every day I become more comfortable with sharing that I'm vegan and wonder why I didn't become vegan sooner. It's definitely my favorite life change this year.

So while I think it's important to have goals (like those I've already listed in the column to the right) I also acknowledge that there can be positive changes that none of us can ever imagine.

Week 3 Weigh-in

2010-12-29T10:08:00.001-08:00

Whew, I'm quite happy the holiday celebrations are almost over. 4 days in a row of treats and drinking definitely showed up on my scale! My weigh-in this morning showed me I gained 2.8 pounds. On Sunday morning I was up about 4.5 pounds! So it's coming back down as I adjust back to my normal eating.

I'm not mad about the gain. I enjoyed the holidays with my friends and family. I know the weight will come off soon. I also know I overindulged and didn't follow my plan at all. Oh well. That's part of life. I'm happy today I start over with my weekly points allowance. I think it will make it a lot easier to follow for New Years Eve.

I haven't ran since last Wednesday. We did get a Kinect for Christmas, so I've managed to get some fun exercise. It's amazing how quickly the games get your heart-rate up and you can break a sweat during certain games. It's really fun and I want to buy the Dance Central game soon.

Week 2 Weigh-in

2010-12-22T12:58:00.000-08:00

Well, I knew it wasn't the best week. I knew I wasn't going to lose a lot because of the stress and how tired I felt most of the week. I tried to track everything, but I know I didn't. I lost .2 this week. So basically a maintain! That's fine with me. I just really didn't want to gain anything.

I'm also starting to get back into my exercise routine. I ran on Monday and went to Crossfit yesterday. I was planning on running again today, but I am feeling a bit sore from yesterday's workout. I'm sure I'll talk myself into going eventually. Partly because I know it won't be that bad and partly because I want to stick to my training schedule.

This next week will be a challenge, just like it will be for everyone else. I have a Christmas party Thursday night, then Christmas, then a family gathering the day after Christmas. My plan is to track everything and get in lots of exercise! I'll be happy if I maintain next week. But a small loss would be great too.

Stress Eating and Dealing with Disappointment

2010-12-20T17:34:00.001-08:00

This has been a rocky week for me. I've been majorly stressed over a fantastic job opportunity that had taken up all my thoughts for the last several days. I was so anxious over my job interview last week that I got a very minor case of shingles and a cold sore that took a week to stop hurting. I haven't been able to sleep well and my food hunger signals have been all over the place.

This morning I found out I didn't get the job.

I am upset. It was an opportunity that I really believed was made for me. I probably got too attached and too excited.

I'm really tempted to spend my evening baking and indulging in those goodies as they come out of the oven. But I realized that it's not going to make me feel better. I'm already feeling sluggish and bloated from the lack of exercise and bad eating the last week. So I ate dinner and will be going the gym in the next hour to run.

I have other goals in life. I feel like I'm mourning this lost job opportunity. But instead of moping about much longer, I've realized I just need to redirect my energy to my other goals in my life.

Let the running begin!

2010-12-17T11:39:00.000-08:00

I am ready to start running. I'm mentally ready, I've got new gadgets (a new Ipod Nano and Nike+ as early Christmas presents). I created a training chart to work towards my first 5K race, which will be a St. Patrick's Day Run on Saturday, March 12.

A few years ago I followed the Couch to 5K program which was great. But I know that Crossfit has helped me with my cardio and endurance level, which led me to use one of Hal Higdon's training charts. I did make a change and added in 2 extra weeks at lower mileage. His training guide starts at running 1.50 miles. I know I could run that if I put all my effort into it, but I'm starting with 1 mile/1.25 miles the first week and 1.25 miles/1.50 miles the second week. I think it's a good change that will reflect my ability.

I'll probably try and post a weekly check-in about my running. I'm sure I'll have many thoughts along the way. I'm super excited about taking on a new challenge!

I do have one bit of advice if you start running. Don't slip and fall walking down your front porch steps like I did on Wednesday. It'll take a few days to go out again for your first run. :)

Week 1 Weigh-in

2010-12-15T11:24:00.001-08:00

It's amazing what one week can do! I feel so much better and know I'm making better choices. I've found the new Weight Watchers plan really easy to follow. One of the things I enjoyed was that I actually took advantage of the weeklies for those "extras" that happen throughout the week, rather than feeling guilty like I shouldn't use them or should avoid indulging. I attended a holiday party on Saturday evening, which probably accounted for the majority of my weekly points. I drank a few glasses of wine and ate several of my vegan Christmas cookies I brought to share with other people. (On a side note, one of my favorite things about being vegan is having other people eat vegan food and realize that it's really good!)

I also enjoyed two Starbucks drinks this week. Although, I will admit that looking up the points has made me realize I should make sure to limit myself to these once or twice a week. It's not worth the points.

My weight loss for this week was 3.4. I'm really happy with it and hoping to lose about 1.5 this next week.

2011 Health and Fitness Goals

2010-12-10T08:30:00.000-08:00

Here are the goals I hope to accomplish next year. A little early to post them, but I'm in that first week I'm really inspired mood. I need to take advantage of it!

1. Lose 45 pounds. This averages out to 3.75 pounds a month. That's doable.

2. Add running to my exercise routine. I recently realized that I had difficulty sticking with running before because the only running I did was on the treadmill. I've ran outside a few times this year and realized I enjoy it so much more.

3. Try at least 3 new recipes a month.

4. Run a race. My husband is planning on running a marathon next year. I'm not planning on that just yet (or maybe ever) but starting with a 5K is a good place.

5. Continue Crossfit at least 2 days a week. I'm in between jobs right now. I have a feeling once I start a typical 8-5 job again, attending Crossfit daily will be difficult for me. I'd like to make it at least twice a week.

6. Last of all, stay committed. I talked a few days ago about how I need to be 100% focused again. I think working towards various goals will help me stay at or near 100%.

Weight Watchers New PointsPlus Program

2010-12-08T13:06:00.001-08:00

I caved and joined Weight Watchers again. I was very curious about the changes to the new program. I couldn't help but wonder if those changes were more compatible with my outlook on eating. I joined last week, but haven't actually tracked for a whole week. I'm starting my first full week today.

I joined online so I didn't get the meeting explanation of the changes. Thus far, I like that the new point amounts seem to discourage people from eating processed food. I think the most difficult thing for me following this program is that I've become vegan. I don't know if I mentioned that in my last post. I became vegan about 7 months ago and absolutely love it. Yet, I'm still an overweight vegan. hmm I know it's mostly because of my problem with overeating and random snacking. My days always start out well, but after lunch time things just go downhill. So that's what led me to believe I do need to track my food. I did great by using intuitive eating to lose the initial 10 pounds or so, but now I need to be more focused.

I'm really excited about the changes to come. I'm really proud of the changes I've made in the last 6 months or so. I can only imagine how much better my results are going to be if I put in 100% effort. I'd say I've been around 50% for the last several months. Time to step it up!

6 months later

2010-11-07T09:56:00.001-08:00

It's been so long since I've written. I used to try to blog weekly and it felt like my life was always the same. But apparently a lot really does happen in 6 months.

I didn't purposefully stop blogging. It just sort of happened. I started really living and enjoying my life. I didn't feel the obligation to sit down a blog anymore. I finally figured out that my success in losing weight and being healthy was not dependent on a blog. I didn't need this to stay on track. Instead it was just making me feel guilty that I wasn't having the same success I've had before. I do remember thinking "oh, maybe I'll just write a "good-bye for now" post but that never happened either.

I've been feeling the pull back in for the last few weeks. I've changed a lot in the last 6 months so I'm not sure what direction this blog will take. I still do Crossfit, which I absolutely love. It's helped me drop many inches and my body has changed a lot too. My weight loss is still around 10 pounds. I'm happy with that. I look like I've lost closer to 20 because of how much my body has changed due to Crossfit.

I have finally managed to maintain a weight for more than a few months. I've never really been able to do that before. Although, my focus has not been on weight for a while, I'm ready to try and lose another 10 pounds. It just feels like it's time.

Weekly Weigh-in

2010-04-28T19:12:00.000-07:00

I'm posting quickly tonight because I need to go get ready for our dance class. How I'm going to be able to practice for an hour is beyond me right now. I went to another crossfit class today and nearly every muscle in my body hurts right now.

I lost 2 pounds this week. I'm at 7 pounds lost which is a milestone for me in two ways. I'm now the lowest I've weight since the beginning of the year and I'm no longer jumping around a maintaining weight. I hope that part makes sense. Basically I think of maintaining weight as being in a 3-4 pound range. Now that I've broken through that barrier, I feel like I'm really losing weight. The scale is reflecting the changes I'm making. It's not just a fluke that it's 1 or 2 pounds less.

I have another big milestone to get to, so I'll be changing my ticker to works towards that goal. I'll even share with specifics when I get there. I've always been hesitant to post my weight on here, but after years of reading weight loss and health blogs, I've finally realized it doesn't make a difference. There's no need to keep it private. No one is going to judge me for it. I don't judge others when they post their weight. In fact, I admire them for being so honest!

Crossfit Workout Update

2010-04-27T18:13:00.001-07:00

I finished my first workout about an hour ago. I've already showered, filled up my bottle of water, and am relaxing on the couch.

The workout was intense! Today's workout was run 400 meters, complete 25 wall balls something or other, 20 jumping pull-ups, 15 V-crunches (or some other similar name). We were supposed to complete it 4 times, but the trainer was nice today and let some of us newbies do it 3 times. Considering I haven't run since January, I was tired after the first 400 meters. I actually thought about stopping during my second round. I was feeling dizzy, my back was hurting, and I was feeling so tired! But then I realized that one more round would feel empowering. I just took it easy during the run, since that's the part that was really sucking up my energy.

It was really nice doing the workout in a group atmosphere with people I know (or somewhat know). The leader was really nice and ensured everyone was practicing proper form. We had to go over squats. I've been taught how to do them before, but not with this much detail. Apparently I haven't been doing them properly for the last few years. I'm glad I finally learned a few more pointers with squats.

My thighs are starting to hurt already. Actually, they started hurting during the workout. I'm nervous as to how I'll feel tomorrow...some of the group was talking about going tomorrow. I had planned on going on Thursday. It will depend how I feel tomorrow.

I just realized I haven't said it yet, but I feel great! You know that post-workout feeling? Even though my body is starting to ache, I'm feeling awesome. I'm glad I tried this today.

Crossfit

2010-04-26T21:33:00.000-07:00

Have you heard of this workout before? Here's the website, but I've copy and pasted some information below.

"CrossFit is the principal strength and conditioning program for many police academies and tactical operations teams, military special operations units, champion martial artists, and hundreds of other elite and professional athletes worldwide. Our program delivers a fitness that is, by design, broad, general, and inclusive. Our specialty is not specializing. Combat, survival, many sports, and life reward this kind of fitness and, on average, punish the specialist. The CrossFit program is designed for universal scalability making it the perfect application for any committed individual regardless of experience. We’ve used our same routines for elderly individuals with heart disease and cage fighters one month out from televised bouts. We scale load and intensity; we don’t change programs."

My friend and I checked out a location last week. Apparently I'm crazy enough that I've decided to try it. My first class will be tomorrow. I'll be going with 2 friends. I'm even more crazy because I'm going to a location where I know people from back in high school. I've never quite understood people's hesitation to join a gym when they are out of shape. But now I understand. I'm really nervous about performing in front of a group of people who are in much better shape than me. I keep trying to tell myself that at least I'll be there trying. People will have to give me credit for that! Right?

Depending on my level of soreness tomorrow night, I may blog a post-workout update.

Weekly Weigh-in

2010-04-21T18:39:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling so much better this week. I've been eating better, exercising, and just staying busy in general. I lost 1.8 pounds. Definitely a step in the right direction. I haven't been tracking my food but instead focusing on Michael Pollan's principles that I talked about a few weeks ago. I really believe in his approach and philosophy about food. It's something I can see as an actual lifestyle for me. Also, when I remember his "rules" I just feel great.

My husband and I have spent a lot of time working on our garden and general yardwork. I love how our garden is coming along. We went to a nursery on Sunday morning and went a little overboard, like usual. We bought 2 blackberry plants, 2 raspberry plants, 2 grape plants, and 1 blackberry plant. But we already have most of these in our yard. We just want more! I plan on posting a few picture of our garden soon. We're really proud of it and I can't wait to plant all our indoor plants that we started from seeds. We have another week or so before we can do that. It's hard having such a late last frost date! We started our tomato plants so early, a few of them are already starting to bloom flowers (which is where the vegetable will grow from). So we definitely need to get everything planted outside soon!

On to the next week! I'm looking forward to the scale moving down again when I weigh-in next Wednesday!

Weekly Weigh-in

2010-04-15T10:49:00.000-07:00

Another maintain for this week. Not bad considering I had a wacky week and went way off track for a few days. Since the breakdown on Sunday night, I've felt a lot better. I haven't started any hardcore plan like I thought I might do. Instead I've managed to stay away from my trigger foods and somehow eliminated my daily night time snack. I've also exercised a few times. My energy level is way up and I'm starting to naturally wake up earlier. Although, I haven't convinced myself to actually get out of bed until my alarm goes off.

To help make exercise part of my day, I am heading to my parents house after work to use their elliptical. I think it makes working out easier since there isn't the mental battle of just getting up and doing it while at home. My parents house isn't along the way home, but it's only a 5 minutes drive from where I nanny at. I'm also considering adding some morning workouts too for a while.

I hate to say it but one of the reasons I'm getting really concerned about losing weight is that we have 2 vacations planned this year. One in August (Hawaii) and the other in October (Paris and Amsterdam). After seeing the pictures of myself on Sunday, I don't want to feel like that after I get back from vacation. I've sort of settled on the fact that my motivation at this point but be pure vanity. As much as I tell myself it's about health and wellness, right now I just want to not feel and look fat. And the thought of being in Hawaii and having to wear a bathing suit is a little terrifying. Especially because we're going for a friends wedding. Therefore, we'll be around friends! I don't expect I'm going to look perfect but I know I could look ten times better between now and then.

And how about summer approaching? None of my summer clothes fit so that's a whole other issue. While I don't have enough time to actually fit into them by June/July, I want to feel good when I go shopping for the new clothes.

Next week will not be another maintain. I'm promising myself that!

The Breakdown

2010-04-12T16:53:00.001-07:00

Yesterday my husband and I visited a popular spring attraction in Western Washington. The Skagit Valley is known for it's gorgeous tulips fields so we decided to venture there for the day. It was a great day until about 9pm when my husband and I decided to look over the pictures we had taken. And I started deleting photos after we went through them. Not only did I finally realize I am fat (more about that later) but all I saw was how tired and bad I looked. It was really hard to see those pictures because it's not how I think I look. At first I was going to say how I feel, but truth be told, I do not feel healthy, thin, and vibrant. But for some reason I think I look that way.

When we went to bed last night, I was really quiet because I kept thinking about the pictures. I think that since I've been overweight for as long as I can remember, that's how I think of myself. But last night I realized I'm fat. And I don't say this in a mean, abusive way to myself. It's the realization that when other people look at me, especially those who don't know me, they are likely to think I'm fat.

That's what hurt me to think about. I hate deleting photos and I hate thinking that other people view me as fat. I hate being worried about it.

While I was crying last night, I realized I need to just take charge and start being a lot more strict with myself. Otherwise the results I want may never come. This also means I can't worry about what my husband eats for dinner for the time being.

My husband was so supportive and trying to figure out how to help. I told him that he needs to really help me be my conscience when I want to w chocolate, candy, cookies, ice cream....you get the picture. Those are my trigger foods. At this point, I have no control when I eat them. I have no understanding of being satisfied and stopping. So he's supposed to help me by reminding me not to buy them. Easy enough, right? Well, I admit we've tried this before. And usually I give him a look or say "I can make the decision" and end up buying what I want so he backs down.

A few minutes later he's trying to be motivational and said something along the lines of "this moment is the start of you being healthier!" And I sort of nod by head because I'm thinking about the chocolates I had planned on eating in the morning. There was some in the kitchen cupboard. I planned on eating them for breakfast and then starting my more strict plan. I said to my husband, "It'll start tomorrow morning, after I eat the chocolate for breakfast." So that was his first challenge to talk sense into me.

It wasn't pretty. If there was a camera on me I would have looked pathetic. Cue the nervous laughter, begging, and saying "No, no! Really, I just want to eat that in the morning. Don't you dare take that with you to work! That's the last chocolate I'll have in a while!"

After a few minutes of us talking about the chocolate, I finally told him to just take it in the morning. He was right, I know I didn't want it. I really did need someone to talk sense into me. Even if I acted like a 3 year old for a few minutes.

This is really what was happened. It's embarrassing to write but as I write this post, I realize this is one of the most honest posts I've ever written.

Weekly Weigh-in

2010-04-10T08:17:00.001-07:00

Well, I've been avoiding my weekly weigh-in post. I gained 2.2 pounds. And I'm pretty sure it was 2.2 pounds worth of chocolate. Bring on the Easter candy! I had a plan. I did. Until my mom gave me and my husband a lot of good quality chocolate for Easter. My husband doesn't really eat chocolate. So it was left to me. And so I ate it all within a few days.

But it's all gone so I don't need to worry about it anymore. I also realized that in the last week I've been eating too much and not when I'm really hungry. I haven't been planning anything well and that's key for me. I've been trying to track but usually only write down about half the day of food. There are so many things I need to work on...I also need to realize that just because I have a good week, that doesn't mean I've figured it all out forever. I want to believe someday it will be natural for me to eat healthy and exercise, but I'm starting to believe it will always be a challenge.

April Goals

2010-04-02T18:31:00.001-07:00

March was a good month. I feel like I'm finally getting back in control. (Not completely, but I'm getting there!) I made good progress, even if I didn't meet all my March goals. I met each of them about halfway.

So what's in store for April?

1. Lose 7 pounds. More than I lost in March and more attainable than 10 in one month.
2. Exercise at least 4 days a week. Trying to workout at least 5 days a week was a little too hardcore for me right now. I need to ease myself back in so I don't get burned out. I do miss working out because I sleep so much better when I do.
3. Track daily.
4. Blog 3-4 days a week. I think blogging more often has really helped me stay accountable, but blogging daily was hard for me.

As a side note, I accidentally posted this on my old blog! I was really confused for a few seconds.

Weekly Weigh-in

2010-03-31T21:44:00.000-07:00

No weight loss this week...I also didn't gain any. So that's a win for me! 3 pounds was a lot in one week so I'm okay with not losing anything this week. But I am hoping to lose around 2 pounds this following week. There are a few things I need to work on to make that happen: track my food and exercise. I didn't do either of these things this past week.

Tonight was our last Tango dance class. I can't believe the session is already over! We're planning on going to the next session, which is some sort of night club dancing. The lessons have been a fun way for my husband and I to try something new. It also makes the weeks go by so fast.

Grow, Plants, Grow!

2010-03-30T18:11:00.000-07:00

Starting seeds indoors has been a lot of fun and fairly successful so far. Thankfully we have an extra room which isn't nice to begin with so we were able to use that space as our indoor growing area. Watching the seeds grow into plants has been amazing! I'm looking so forward to summer when I can walk out into my garden and pick fresh fruits, vegetables, and herbs to eat only minutes later. My husband and I have spent a lot of time (and money) into preparing for our garden but we know the results will be worth it. We don't expect to save money this year because of the costs we've had to pay up front thus far. Probably next year or the year after is when the savings will occur.

We still have a few weeks until we can put our plants outdoor. Good thing because we still haven't built our raised beds yet. My husband will start working on those this week!

Here are a few pictures of our plants. I thought I had taken more pictures as they've grown, but I can't find them on my computer.

The first broccoli sprout in February.

The broccoli starting to grow.

Some of the tomato and broccoli plants as of yesterday.

Lettuce. They are different sizes because of succession planning.

Saturday Ramblings

2010-03-27T17:31:00.001-07:00

I'm in the middle of baking our weekly bread. I figured while it rises I'd write my blog post for the day. Does anyone else feel like they always have things to write about, but once they actually sit down to write, all those thoughts seem to have disappeared? It makes trying to blog every day hard.

Today has been a fairly laid back day. This morning I took my parents to the airport and headed to Target afterward. All I picked up was some makeup remover wipes, new nail files, and Kashi bars (thanks for the recommendation Kiki! They are a good quick snack). While at Target, I wandered over to the Easter candy section with a mission to pick up my favorite Easter candy, the mini Cadbury eggs. Yummy. Apparently I wasn't meant to have anymore this Easter season because they were sold out. I already bought 2 bags in late February so I had thought I'd treat myself to one final bag. Oh well, I know I'm better off without them.

I did stop at Starbucks on the way home. I ordered an iced grande mocha (no whip) and a chocolate chip cookie to make up for my loss of mini-eggs. That was pretty much my lunch today. :)

About an hour ago I finally decided I should try and be somewhat productive today. There are a few things I should be working on but I'm putting them off. One of them is writing a cover letter and fixing my resume to apply for a job opportunity that has come my way. I wasn't looking for anything because I really am happy with my nanny job. But a great entry level job in my field has come along and I know it's best for me to apply for it. I'm just trying to get over my guilty feelings of what would happen if I did get the job. I planned on staying committed to my nanny job for a while, but I know that's not a long-term career for me. Also, the company is a non-profit which I think I'd be much more satisfied working for. Decisions, decisions....

Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution

2010-03-26T12:44:00.001-07:00

The official 2 hour premiere for this show is tonight on ABC. Last week a 1 hour preview was released, which I watched on Hulu earlier this week. After viewing the first show, I think this show is needed in the United States! I really hope that it speaks to those who really need it. I feel lucky that I understand what is wrong with the Western Diet and that is the first step to making a change in your life. I just worry that too many people will watch it and come up with excuses or reasons as to why Oliver is wrong and that their lifestyle is just fine. Thankfully, I didn't grow up in a house as extreme as the people on the show. While we didn't eat fried foods or lots of frozen meals growing up, we did have access to lots of chips, soda, ice cream, and processed foods. I've come to the conclusion that there is no reason for me to have lots of processed foods like that in my house. They only do bad things for my health and they make me feel grumpy. Also, I know at this point the bag of chips would still be the first thing I turn to eat, even if I don't want to. Sadly, it's so much more convenient to open a bag of chips rather than slice up an apple. But really, slicing the apple only takes another minute or so, right?

I feel like this post is all over the place. I suppose that is a reflection of where I'm at with making healthy choices. I'm still learning to eat the foods that are healthy and make me feel better as my first choice. I know I prefer these foods. I really do. I'm having the most difficulty with kicking the other stuff out of my life. A few weeks ago I thought I had a right to eat a cookie every day. I'm starting to understand that cookies/chips/whatever your weakeness is really should be a special occasion food. It doesn't make me sad to come to this conclusion. Instead, I wish it was possible to not have the easy access to this food. That's why making the right choices is hard.

Another rule I practiced while traveling

2010-03-25T20:07:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned last week, I was reading Michael Pollan's Food Rules. Some of the tips I knew, some were new thoughts, and others were tips I've heard but never really applied to my eating.

One of the rules was something along the lines of not feeling like you have to finish everything on your plate. I am so guilty of this. I've always felt like whatever is on my plate must be eaten. Like many others, I grew up in a household where finishing everything on your plate was important during meal times. But I took this one step further and copied the eating pattern of my thin friend that I was traveling with. She likes to sample everything, so she places very small portions on her plate. And even though those portions are very small, sometimes she still doesn't finish them. While reflecting on my weekend, I realized today that I was totally copying her eating style without being conscious of it! But she's not a bad eating role model, so it's a good eating habit to be copying.

Weekly Weigh-in

2010-03-24T15:57:00.000-07:00

I lost 3 pounds this week! I was very surprised when I got on the scale this morning. It's really hard for me to believe it, considering I was out of town for 3 days. But I think it shows that the choices I'm making are right for me and will lead to more success. I'm most happy about the fact that I now really understand what not feeling deprived of food feels like. I ate some cookies, cake, candy bars, and had drinks over the weekend. But I just didn't overdo it. I didn't feel the need to eat/drink everything just because it was in front of me.

Also, this means I'm just halfway to my first goal of 10 pounds. While I originally said I wanted to lose 10 pounds in March, I knew it wouldn't happen. That's a huge number for me in 1 month. (I know it's possible for some people, but not my body). I'll be happy with another 1-2 pounds for this week and work on reaching the first goal in April.

Spring is in the air and I think that's extra motivation for me. I won't be able to hide under layers anymore!

I did it!

2010-03-23T08:26:00.000-07:00

I met all my weekend goals while traveling and feel great about it! I avoided the airport temptations, the restaurant temptations, and just the idea that traveling = junk food time. Sure I ate some candy and dessert but I stopped when I realized I wasn't tasting anything anymore. I always left dessert on my plate. I never felt like I was missing out on anything. I always chose vegetables or fruit to eat first at any meal. In fact one of my meals was just a fruit salad and it was so good!

Best of all, I had a great time with my friends this weekend. I already miss them so much and am eager to plan another trip to see them. Honestly, they were one of the hardest parts of me moving from California. I never expected to make such good friends in college since I didn't take the normal route.

Now I just need to get back into the routine of daily life!

The Weekend Plan

2010-03-18T18:46:00.000-07:00

In a few minutes I'm going to start preparing for my trip. I need to pack and then paint my finger nails. Gotta feel girly for a girls weekend!

My eating plan for this weekend is to choose fruits and vegetables first. Order salads, even if my friends think I'm being boring. I hope to avoid buying candy at the airport. For some reason flying for me = candy on the plane. It's a horrible habit! Also, I hope to limit the alcoholic drinks. But that's all. I'm not going to give myself too many rules, otherwise I'll go crazy trying to follow them.

Today was J's birthday so it worked out fine that I won't be here tomorrow. Her grandparents are in town tonight through this weekend, so the family was trying to figure out what to do about me working tomorrow anyway. Her mom bought her some balloons today and J was so cute trying to play with them. Every Monday I feel like she looks a bit older after the weekend, so I'm sure she'll look extra older to me on Monday after not seeing her for 3 days!

I've been having an awesome week so far and hope it continues the next few days! I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Weekly Weigh-in

2010-03-17T23:14:00.000-07:00

I'm barely getting this posted today! Only 45 minutes left in the day. I lost .6 this week, which I consider a success since I didn't exercise and tracked half the days. I ate great yesterday and today. I'm going out of town for 3 days on Friday so I'm already a little concerned about that. Tomorrow I think I'll blog bout what things I plan to do, but I think we all know those plans are hard to stick to when traveling. Right now I'm mostly concerned about finding healthy, quality food. I'm going to traveling with 2 friends from college so not every restaurant decision will be my choice.

I've been really busy this week because I got some data entry projects come through for a part-time job. I'm just trying to stay busy and feel like I'm contributing to our household income, even if I'm not in the position/career track I thought I'd be by now. I'm just happy that I have the opportunities I do right now.

I've didn't get to finish reading In Defense of Food. I had to return it to the library today. :( I only read up until the 3rd section. I did read the majority of Food Rules today, which is a good quick read and makes eating easy to understand. I like Michael Pollen's thoughts on food and eating. To sum up quickly, I think it's what I've been searching for all along. It's logical, not difficult, and makes me feel energized.

Weekend Eating Recap

2010-03-15T18:03:00.000-07:00

I really need to become more diligent about tracking my food on paper. I usually start tracking it in my head, with the intention of writing it down in my journal. And then I just get busy, it's dinnertime, and I forget. But the problem is that I don't track, I know I'm eating more then I think.

And then yesterday I bought two boxes of girl scout cookies. One for me and one to send to the soldiers. I finished my box of thin mints earlier today. Thankfully I bought them on the last day they were available. The girl scout troop also informed me there was only 45 minutes left to buy them. Just my timing. 45 minutes later and I would have never bought that box! Oh well. At least it was only one box in the last month of passing the girls at store entrances.

Last night we invited my parents over for dinner. I baked homemade pizza, which is is more healthy and filling than most people realize. I included a salad and was really proud of myself for only having one slice of pizza and a lot of salad. I had baked apple crisp for dessert but my mom ended up bringing chocolate covered strawberries as well.

I've never really had a problem with eating on the weekends but then again, I realize sometimes I use avoidance to solve any temptations. It's a lot easier for me to stay on track if I don't leave my house. But that doesn't really teach me anything, does it? Last weekend I was very happy to discover an iced grande nonfat mocha (no whip) was only 3 Weight Watcher points. I need to learn to stick to those low point treats I find.

Shopping Success

2010-03-13T18:10:00.000-08:00

I spent a few hours shopping with my mom today. I managed to buy a new pair of jeans, a few sweaters/cardigans and two cami's. All of the clothes will still be wearable as I lose weight. Jean shopping was interesting because one size was just a little too tight, while the other was just a little too large. I spent some time trying to figure out which ones to buy. I want to be comfortable but I also want to wear the jeans for a while. I bought the smaller size, figuring they will stretch out throughout the day.

All in all I feel good about what I bought. I'm hoping I most of it will be too big by next fall, but since I live in Washington I'll get good use out of the clothes for the next few months. Also, I didn't buy high quality clothing (not like I ever do) so after some normal wear the clothes won't look as nice or new.

Shopping is weird for me because I want to buy trendy/modern/cute clothes but I feel funny wearing those things. Whenever I try those things on I just don't feel right. I was talking about this with my mom and she reminded me of how I once said it's because I don't like attention on me. As a preteen, I matured sooner than girls and I got more attention. But not from boys my age. I got attention from men. I suppose I should consider myself lucky enough to not be drawn to those creepy men hitting on a 12 year old. But it definitely has affected how I dress and my interaction with men to this day. I've never really been a flirt because of the attention it brings. I don't really make conversation with men unless they initiate it. Oh jeez, this post is going way off topic but it's also leading me to think about why I'm overweight. Am I hiding behind the weight to be less attractive? Maybe. I suppose this is just another thing I'll have to work on during the weight loss journey.

Eat More Fat?

2010-03-12T21:06:00.000-08:00

I don't think too often about the protein, carbohydrates, or protein in my food. When I tracked calories on sparkpeople, there was a daily analysis of calories, carbs, protein, and fat. My protein and fat were usually at the lower end or below the minimum requirement. I think a lot of this is because I'm a vegetarian, so I don't have the typical food sources for carbs and fat.

I'm in the middle of reading Michael Pollan's In Defense of Food. It's been interesting to compare the information he presents with how I eat and how I learned to eat. It's made me think about my sources of fat from food. My most common source is dairy. Almost all dairy I eat is fat-free or low-fat. It's partially what I've learned to prefer, but also because I see that these foods tend to be lower in calories so I gravitate toward them in the store.

But now I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't be drinking fat-free milk and eating fat-free yogurt. If I'm going to be consuming those calories anyway, then it's probably okay for me to use those sources as a way to get some fat in my diet. I also wonder if I increase my fat intake if I will get less sugary/sweet cravings. It sounds logical to me right now and I'm willing to test it for a while.

I don't think I'll be drinking whole milk since I've never been able to drink that. I'm going to start by buying 1% milk and yogurt with some fat. Small steps to see if it makes a difference.

Weekly Weigh-in

2010-03-11T16:08:00.000-08:00

I lost 1.8 pounds over the last 10 days. I'm content with that number, but would have liked something higher after 10 days on track. I hope to lose 2 pounds this week. I do feel good about what I've been doing so I won't let the number get me down. I'm really looking forward to shopping this weekend because I need a pick me up. Taking dance lessons in a room full of mirrors is not the best for your self-esteem when you're worried about your weight and don't like how your clothes fit. At this point, it just makes me stare at all the things I don't like. I have to figure out how to get over the mirror insecurity so I can actually enjoy the lessons. Part of the problem is that I usually hide behind sweatshirts so I don't have see my body. I need to find some clothing that actually enhances and/or will disguise what I like/don't like.

Overall, yesterday was another weird day for me (mood wise). I started off happy but was just sad by the end. I felt like I could just cry for no reason. I hate feeling like that and it's the extreme opposite of how I was feeling over the weekend. Tango class felt like forever because my heart wasn't in it. When we got home we just caught up on a few shows we DVRed and then went to bed.

Today's been a lot better for me. I haven't done any exercise and probably won't at this point. My eating has been going well. I just need to eat more fruits and vegetables.

Extreme Energy Level

2010-03-09T20:06:00.001-08:00

Today was another non-stop day for me. I kept myself really busy after work doing house chores and yard work. I feel so tired right now. It's just after 8 and I'm already considering going to bed. But it feels too early for that. I don't want to throw off my whole schedule. I'm going to keep this post really short.

My energy and moods have been so different the last few days. I wonder if it's my body adjusting to how it's supposed to be? For example, I'll have so much energy during the day and just want to be busy and productive. But then at night I'm so tired. It's like once I realize I'm tired, I need to go to bed as soon as possible. I think I'm experiencing absolute extremes right now because my body isn't used to the exercise and eating better. Although, I think if I continue feeling this way it's my body's signal to slow down and relax more often. I have no idea if anyone can relate to what I'm trying to explain, but I'm writing about it because it would make me feel better if someone knows what I'm talking about. Also, I love how I feel when I have a ton of energy. The extreme tiredness annoys me.

The Shopping Itch

2010-03-08T17:44:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I posted about how the only pair of jeans I wear on a regular basis (um, almost every day) were $7. It seemed like a shopping score at the time but now I'm realizing how crummy these jeans look. The material isn't nice denim and the color is fading. Also, the don't fit me that well. I get the gap in the back, resulting in my butt crack showing constantly when I'm sitting (and then I pray there are no nanny cams when I'm at work!) I've tried a belt but I hate belts. It's uncomfortable for me.

So I'm on the search for a new pair of jeans. I'll try and keep the cost around $30. I know, I'm a big spender. ;) Anyway, I think it will be worth it to invest in a newer pair. I'll still get a few months of wear out of them. Also, it will make me feel better.

I went shopping on Saturday and Sunday, just trying on different outfits. It's funny how I'm the same size/weight as a month or 2 ago, but trying on clothes didn't get me depressed like it would have a few months ago. Nothing looks as good as it should, but I know I'm eating better and exercising so my attitude is different. If something doesn't fit, then it doesn't fit. It will eventually! I didn't buy anything this weekend, but I plan on going again next weekend.

Exercise for today was Banish Fat Boost Metabolism. No exercise over the weekend. Yesterday I spent about 2 hours doing yard work, which I probably could have counted as physical activity.

I'm looking forward to another great week of being on track!

Hair Donation!

2010-03-06T17:52:00.000-08:00

I cut off 10 inches of hair today to donate to Pantene's Beautiful Lengths program. I decided to starting growing my hair out in September 2008. At the time I wasn't sure how long it would take me. I probably could have donated a few months ago, but I didn't feel ready to cut it yet.

Today my stylist asked if I was nervous. Absolutely not! I bumped up this appointment 2 weeks because I was so ready to cut my hair. I saw this as a very therapeutic cut. The last 1.5 have been really hard for me with finishing school, my husband and I temporarily living in different states, my grandfather dying, graduating, living with my parents for a while, buying a house, being unemployed for several months, being employed in a borderline hostile work environment, and lastly gaining back all the weight I lost. In my opinion, a lot has happened in my life. I suppose these things are normal events in life, but most of these major life changes have left me feeling lost and depressed on and off for the last 1.5 years. So cutting my hair today was a way for me to say good-bye to all those life events that have been causing me stress and sadness.

I really love the new cut! I was a little worried that my face would look rounder with shorter hair, but after looking at my self-portrait before and afters, I think my face looked rounder before!

The Before:

And After:

I have been in such a fantastic mood today. I truly feel like this cut is the beginning of good things in my life!

Monthly Measurement Update

2010-03-05T17:20:00.000-08:00

I took my measurements in the beginning of February. I track my bust, ribcage, waist, hips, biceps, and thighs. Last month I had to start wearing my "fat jeans." I bought this pair of jeans just over 2 years ago, just before I started Weight Watchers in November 2007. This was one of the only clothing items I did not donate 2 years ago as I was losing weight. I kept them because I wanted to take one of those before and after pictures where I'm standing in the pants. You know what I'm talking about, right? I wasn't planning on fitting into them again. Oh well, not going to dwell on that.

With that said, they're already getting lose and I'm now feeling more comfortable in my regular size. *phew* Sadly, that "regular" pair of jeans I bought almost a year ago for $7 at Target since I stopped fitting into my other regular size. One of the reasons I've really become motivated in the last few weeks is the realization that I have a whole closet full of clothing I can't fit into. I'm tired of rewearing the same few items because that's all that fits. Or fits well enough.

The measurements I took yesterday showed I lost 1 inch in my hips, 1 inch in my bust, and .5 in my waist. There were no other changes. I'm looking forward to next months measurements since it will reflect a month's worth of exercise and healthy eating.

My exercise for today was a 30 minute walk with J and Level 2 of the 30 Day Shred. I think my upper body will be hurting tomorrow!

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. I have a hair appointment scheduled. I'll be donating my hair to Pantene's Beautiful Lengths program. I think I have between 10-12 inches to donate. I'm so excited to have short hair again!

Morning Workout Fail

2010-03-04T19:20:00.000-08:00

I woke up around 6:45ish and thought "ugh, 15 minutes until my alarm goes off." 15 minutes later my alarm goes off. I pressed snooze. 10 minutes later it went off again. So then I reset it for 7:45, which meant I wasn't going to workout this morning. I feel so guilty about having difficulty getting out of bed because I know 7 isn't early! I always thought I was a morning person but I think I've become a night owl.

Before leaving for work I asked my husband if we could go play tennis when I got back. He said maybe so I figured I'd talk him into when I got home. I'm really enjoying my work. I feel weird calling it that because it's not what I thought I'd be doing. A year ago I never thought I'd be a part-time nanny. I had envisioned myself working in a random company building skills for my business career. Ha! Spending this time with J has reminded me how natural I am with kids. I'm not bored spending hours with her, instead I'm fascinated watching her learn and grow. I've seen changes from day to day and I've only known her for about 2 weeks.

I got back from work and my husband was outside working in the yard. I figured he didn't want to play tennis, so I ate a snack and then spent about 30 minutes thinking about working out. I finally made the decision to just.do.it because there was no reason not to. I just have to make this a habit. I don't even want it to feel like a choice. I want it to just be part of my day. (In the middle of the DVD my husband walked in and said "Oh, I forgot about tennis!" I should have spoke up when I got home!)

I did Tae-bo. I was scared to attempt a Jillian video again since my abs were hurting. I am glad I got in my workout and decided I'm going to start doing it in the afternoon! Waking up early isn't working out too well, so I'll make it part of my afternoon routine. I also think this will help prevent boredom afternoon snacking and give me an energy boost for the rest of the day.

A busy day!

2010-03-03T21:36:00.001-08:00

I've been going almost non-stop today. I woke up at 7:10 this morning (yes!) and did Level 3 of the 30 Day Shred. I haven't done that level before so I was wondering what it was like. I noticed a lot of similarities with the Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism DVD. I don't mind exercise DVDs but I prefer to rotate through them, otherwise I get bored. The routines become too, well, routine! It doesn't feel as challenging because I know what to expect. I think tomorrow I might do a different level of the Shred. I'm not waking up as early as I'd like, so I'm trying to get up early enough for a quick workout. The Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism workout might be left for Mondays (when I start work at 1) and on Saturday mornings.

After I got off of work at three, I drove to my parents neighborhood to "babysit" for a few hours. Babysit is used lightly because the kids are 13 and 9. The 13 year old is autistic, hence the reason why someone needs to be there after school. He gets home at 3:05, so he was dropped off right as I was pulling up to their house. I was there until around 6, when their older brother got home (he's 16). I didn't know I was going to be there so long and I had been planning on making vegetable lasagna for dinner. It'll have to wait until tomorrow. Before heading home I visited with my parents briefly because they live across the street. My mom offered to have me stay for dinner but I wanted to get home! My husband made some pasta for us and we ate dinner around 7. We then practiced the Tango for a little while before leaving for the lesson tonight. Dancing is much harder than I thought it was! I never thought it was really easy, but there's so much to learn and think about. It's been fun. I just hope we get better!

I'm about to go to bed. I need to go to bed earlier so I can manage to wake up to workout.

I almost forgot - I did weigh in this morning and decided there was no loss. I say decided because I step on the scale obsessively and never accept the first number, even if it shows a good loss. I think I torture myself by doing this! The numbers were too inconsistent today for me to settle on a number, so I decided to go with a "no loss." I didn't expect anything only 2 days in.

Taking a walk counts as exercise, right?

2010-03-02T18:28:00.001-08:00

I hope a 40ish minute walk pushing a baby in a stroller counts as exercise. I don't know why it's so hard for me to wake up at 7 in the morning. I almost feel bad complaining about that because I know most people wake up between 5 and 6. But I'm so used to sleeping in past 8. I think I'll get the hang of it soon. If I had to wake up to go work I know I'd be out of bed on time.

Today went fairly well (even though I believed I'd wake up on time this morning to workout). I decided to take J for a walk. (J isn't even the first letter of her name, just what I'll call her if I ever talk about her on my blog). We went to the park too but she isn't really old enough to enjoy the park yet. She spent a few minutes in the swing and then it started to drizzle so I thought it would be best to get back to the house.

We're having leftovers for dinner tonight. I steamed some broccoli to add vegetables into our meal. Years ago I ate broccoli very often but I slowly lost that habit. I like broccoli plain but also enjoy adding olive oil and mizithra cheese.

Tomorrow I'll be weighing in since I committed to that last week. I'm hoping to get my butt out of bed early enough to exercise and we also have our Tango lesson in the evening.

March Goal Setting

2010-03-01T11:01:00.000-08:00

In recent weeks I've noticed I've done little to make myself accountable for my behaviors, actions, health, and weight loss. If I have a few "off days" there is no evidence of it. It doesn't show up on the scale, since I'm not really weighing myself. And after seeing some pictures of myself this past weekend, I see a real need to lose weight. I actually see how bad I look now. Most people don't see how larger they were until after they've lost some weight. I see it now. Ugh.

That lead me to set March goals. It's to keep myself accountable, focused, and motivated.

1. Lose 10 pounds in March.
2. Exercise at least 5 days a week. Jillian Michaels and Billy Banks will be my friends for the next 31 days.
3. Journal my food. I'm thinking about counting Weight Watcher points. Again! When it comes down to it, it is the only thing that consistently works for me and I seem to be able to stick to for more then a few weeks. I also always have the best weight loss success with Weight Watchers.
4. Blog daily. I've never done this so I'm not sure how mundane my posts will get, but I'm going to try.

Time to Tango

2010-02-27T14:44:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday night my husband mentioned we should take dance lessons. He said it would something for us to do together and we'd be learning something new. Ooookay. I was just nodding my head thinking, "Really? Where did you come up with this idea!?" But I didn't make a big deal of how he thought about it since I didn't want to dwell on that part of this idea. Also, he doesn't really know how to dance, has no rhythm, and dancing with him in public drives me crazy. I usually give up.

We looked up lessons in our city and it just so happened that the new session of classes for beginners was starting on Wednesday night. Wasn't that perfect timing? So we decide we'll go and check it out. The class is only 6 weeks so we figured it was worth trying. This session was Beginners Tango. I wasn't really excited about this dance but again, wanted to stay positive about his suggestion.

On Wednesday night we show up and wouldn't you know, my husband's brother and his wife were there! Well, that isn't too weird to me because I knew they went to dance class. But I didn't know they would be in the same class as us.

There were 5 couples and 1 single. My husband and I were given a lot of attention by the teachers since we were the only new ones. (Everyone else has previously taken lessons together). We have lots of catching up to do because everyone else already knows the basics. The classes are an hour long. The teachers go through some instruction, then we practice, some more instruction, and some more practice.

The class was more fun than I was expecting. I also enjoyed beginning to learn the Tango. My husband had a good time too, so I'm glad he suggested it. Oh, but actually on the way home I learned that his brother had called him on Tuesday and suggested we come to dance class. I told my husband he just lost all his brownie points for suggesting the dance class since it wasn't really his idea. :) He was surprised I didn't question him about it more. Well, I knew there was something off but he wasn't offering a lot information so I decided to just accept that he had thought of it! Next time I'll grill him more when he makes a suggestion.

New DVD, New job, New Plans

2010-02-23T18:52:00.000-08:00

I bought another one of Jillian Michael's workout DVD's on Sunday. I have the 30 Day Shred and have never finished 30 days. I think I've made it through about 15 days or so. I always start and then get bored after a few weeks. I do think it's a great quick workout but I wanted a new DVD that had a longer workout. I usually feel like the 20 minutes isn't enough, but mentally I'm "done" because the segment is over.

I bought the Banish Fat Boost Metabolism DVD. The workout is between 50-55 minutes including warm-up and cool down. The routine of workout is similar to the 30 Day Shred and Jillian leads you through 7 (I think) circuits. Even though this workout is longer, I enjoyed it so much more then the 30 Day Shred. I felt so good during the workout and really good afterward too. I also didn't get completely exhausted in the first few minutes, which I did with the 30 Day Shred. I was tired and noticed my energy draining about halfway through but talked myself into finishing the workout.

My plan is do this every morning Monday - Friday. (Except I didn't do it today). I've started a new job and today was the first day I had to wake up earlier than I'm used to. I'm a nanny for a 11 month old girl. It's part-time and the schedule is great. One day a week I work from 1-5 and the rest of the week from 10-3. It's perfect! So my plan is to wake-up between 6:30-7:00 and get my workout in for the day. I had trouble rolling out of bed this morning because my sleep schedule usually involved waking up between 8:45-9:30 every morning. I hope I'll wake up on time tomorrow to adjust to my new schedule. I didn't mind taking a rest day because between the 8 mile hike last Thursday, gardening this weekend, and the DVD yesterday, my body is still sore in many places!

I've been doing decent with eating and counting calories. I counted everything for a week and then stupidly weighed myself. I didn't see the result I wanted. I had no loss, despite being within my calorie range all but one day and that one day was only a few hundred over, so that resulted in a mental slip for a few days. I have since snapped out of that mental slip and been eating better again. I'm trying to learn to be more patient with myself and realize that I'm not perfect. I'm not going to be perfect. This is a learning process. But I've also decided I will officially weigh in next Wednesday morning. I need to have a day scheduled so I stay focused.

Hiking Mount Si

2010-02-20T10:07:00.000-08:00

The Pacific Northwest has had an unusually mild winter. The days have been warmer than normal and we've had very little rain. It's been wonderful! I know spring is supposed to come first, but it's starting to feel like summer.

On Thursday my husband and I decided to go on a local hike that is scheduled to close because of state budget cuts. We've never done it before but have always wanted to. The mountain is about 4,000 feet tall and you start from around 500 feet. It was the hardest hike I've ever done. My body is so sore! I actually started aching in the middle of the hiking. I was panting like a dog. (And that's really not an exaggeration). But I wanted to make it to the top. It took us 3 hours to hike to the top. My husband was so patient with me. There were some stretches where I had to stop every 50 feet or so. My body was absolutely exhausted. There were a few times where I think I was pushing myself to the extreme. I'd have to stop, sit down, and let my heart rate slow down. There were even times where I just wanted to cry. My whole point is that I was not in the physical shape necessary for this hike. It was long, steep, and the path terrain was constantly changing.

We did make it to the top. And then we realized we didn't bring nearly enough food to recharge ourselves! Lesson learned. We spent about an hour at the top eating, taking pictures, and enjoying the views. The pictures below are some of the views. In the first picture, Seattle (on the left) can be seen in the distance and the second picture is of Mount Rainer.

The hike down was just grueling as well. It was really hard on our knees. I think hiking poles might be necessary in the future, whenever we decide do this again. On Thursday night my knees hurt so bad I could barely move. They feel much more normal now. It took us 1 hour and 50 minutes to get back down. We were surprised at the time because we were constantly moving. The last mile and half or so we did slow our pace. There are half mile markers along the trail, which is nice because then you always know how much longer you have to go. Although, we were both convinced they were exactly half a mile apart. It felt like we reached some of the markers a lot sooner than others.

Next time we go on this hike, I want to be in much better physical shape. I think I'd enjoy it much more. Being in agony for almost 5 hours was not fun. If I was by myself, I very likely would have turned around. I knew the hike was going to be hard but I really underestimated it. Now I know how challenging it really is, especially for people like me who aren't in shape.

Counting Calories

2010-02-11T14:08:00.000-08:00

I've spent the last few days realizing that maybe counting calories isn't as bad as I think it will be. I know I can't watch the scale to continue increase (I'm fairly certain I'm now the heaviest I've ever weighed). So which is going to make me feel worse? Counting calories and being accountable or continuing to watch myself gain pound after pound?

Yesterday I decided to revisit Sparkpeople for the umpteenth time in the last several years. I thought, I'll just input my breakfast. 489 calories. Oh, now the weight gain is making sense. Just journaling what I'm eating isn't going to help me right now. I need to relearn the basics about portion control and moderation.

I also entered in my first goal weight, which I set the deadline for on August 1. About 6 months from now. It's magic calculations told me I should eat between 1320 and 1670 calories a day, while burning 1640 calories a week. I thought, I can do that! That's not that bad.

I'm feeling inspired again and am rethinking my approach to all of this. I won't weigh in this week and maybe not next week. Like I said earlier, my weight is so high right now and I think it's starting to make me feel really crappy about myself. I need to just get below a certain number and then I'll happily be back to weekly weigh-ins. But I'm tired of torturing myself by looking at a certain range.

Week 3 Check-in

2010-02-06T17:05:00.000-08:00

I had another great week of feeling awesome and staying in control of my choices.

Unfortunately, I didn't lost any weight. I think I might have even gained a pound. Blah. I'm having mixed feelings about this right now. I feel like there are parts of me that are making excuses (thinking things like we did just replace the battery on the scale and I have been strength training) but the other side of me is thinking with as much as I have to lose, I should be down a few pounds by now. I know my eating is better. I might not be tracking calories, points, or whatever you can count but I know I'm eating a lot less food and making much healthier choices than I was 3 weeks ago. But my weight isn't showing that. So now I'm tempted to start tracking calories on sparkpeople. Because then at least I'll know. I hate counting everything I eat. I feel like I become obsessive and don't allow myself moderation - instead I just seem to deprive myself without totally realizing it. I hate the head games involved in losing weight. One thought I've had is to give myself another week with how I've been doing things and if I haven't lost any weight next week then I'll give in to counting calories. I just get frustrated that I can't make simple changes and lose weight right away. You know those stories in the magazines where the women say "oh, I just started by eating 5 fruits and vegetables every day and not drinking soda. I lost the first 20 pounds in 4 months." I think it's BS. Those simple dietary changes don't do anything for me.

I'm also frustrated because I have been feeling so good but then just because the scale doesn't show weight loss I feel like nothing I've done has been worth anything. That stupid number on the scale has too much control over my self-worth.

I exercised 3 times this week. I gave myself a 3 day break and my foot got better. Finally. I tracked most of the week. I didn't eat any sweets Monday through Friday. I did decide that I'll allow myself treats on the weekend so I can practice learning moderation.

So that's how things are going right now. I've been avoiding writing this all day because I'm just so frustrated. All I want is a small reward for the things I've done in the last few weeks. I don't want a gain and I don't want to maintain. I want to have lost a few pounds by now.

Discovering New Foods

2010-02-04T14:42:00.000-08:00

I think one of the best parts about trying to eat healthier is discovering new foods.

My most recent new discovery is walnuts. I know they are high in calories so I don't just munch on them all day long. I love the taste of them as part of my small afternoon snack. I've also been crumbling them up to add into my yogurt. I recently learned they are high in Omega-3s. That makes them even more enjoyable. They can be spendy but the cost is worth it to me.

Last fall I was loving Spaghetti Squash. I first read about Spaghetti Squash in this post from Prior Fat Girl. I thought it sounded so good. A pasta-like dish without the calories? Awesome! It took me a few weeks to work up the courage to try it. I finally made it in the middle to late October and really liked it! My husband wasn't as thrilled but I figured pasta is easy enough to make so I was willing to make both from then on. I'm actually planning on growing Spaghetti Squash in our garden this year. I can't wait to see how it turns out!

A few weeks ago I rediscovered hummus. I forgot how good it was! I've been cutting up carrots into slices and dipping them in hummus for an afternoon snack. It's been working perfectly when I get the urge to munch!

My long-time favorite is Greek Yogurt. I know not everyone loves it. I've eaten almost weekly for about 2 years and still love it. I do add honey (and now sometimes walnuts!) because I don't care for it plain. It's a great treat at any time of the day.

What are some of the favorite foods you've discovered? I'm always looking for new ideas - that's how I started eating half of the foods on my list above!

Weekend Recap

2010-02-01T10:29:00.001-08:00

I had a great weekend! I spent lots of time with friends and family. There are so many days where I just think about how happy I am to be living here again. It's wonderful to be so close to my family.

As I mentioned in my last post, on Saturday night I went to a Girls Night In that my brother's girlfriend was hosting. It was lots of fun and great to meet all of her and my brother's friends. Of course there was lots of drinks and food but I think I did fairly well. I did forget to alternate drinking an alcoholic drink with a glass of water. Whoops. I also did eat a handful of gummy bears so I didn't meet my 4 day challenge. But I considered eating a handful of gummy bears was better than indulging in the cookies and brownies! I'm starting the challenge again. I'll try to make it through this week without any sweets.

On Sunday night we went to Benihana's with my parents and my brother and his girlfriend. My mom decided she was wanted to start a new tradition where we all go out to dinner in January to start off the new year. The food was good and it was another fun night! I did order dessert - Creme Brulee. It was delicious! I made sure to share my dessert with everyone!

Even though I had a great weekend, I definitely feel bloated so now I'm focusing on drinking lots of water and eating fruits and vegetables. I didn't eat/drink enough of those this weekend.

This morning I took my measurements for the first time in almost a year. I've been dreading doing this. It might just be a bigger wakeup call than the scale! I'll be tracking them once a month. We also replaced the battery on our scale this weekend. For the last several months it says "Lo" when I step on it the first time. A few days ago I realized I've had that scale for almost 2 years so I needed to change the battery. The "Lo" wasn't a good enough reminder for me!

Week 2 Check-in

2010-01-30T09:00:00.000-08:00

This was such a great week. About halfway through the week is when something inside me really "clicked." And those of you who have successfully lost weight know what the feeling is. I've been waiting for it to happen.

Here's how I did on my goals this week:
1. Losing weight - I lost 1 pound this week. It's good enough for me! I've had to spend most of my exercise time lifting weights/strength training and not as much cardio because of my foot. (I also decided to change my ticker to reflect the fact that I did gain another 4 pounds before I started losing weight. I love watching tickers move down. It's one of those little things that keep me going!)

2. Workout at least 4 times a week for 30 minutes - Success! I made my own strength training routine 2 of the days, walked 1 day and rode my bike 1 day.

3. Track my food - Still working on it. For a few days I wrote down only half a days worth of food. Then on Wednesday night I decided to write out a daily food plan at the beginning of the day. My meals and snacks are figured out before I look for food to eat. This is helping me focus on eating better foods.

I'm on Day 3 now of no sweets. Tonight may be a challenge. I'm going to a Girls Night In that my brother's girlfriend is hosting. I realized I don't have to eat the desserts people bring, right? Also, I'm going to try alternating a drink with a glass of water to reduce my alcohol intake.

Hope everyone enjoys their weekend!

Day 1 = Success!

2010-01-28T21:04:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling so good and inspired the past few days that I can't help but keep on writing posts. At one point blogging was my way to be accountable and it's helping me once again! It helps me stay focused on my day. It's a place for me to write down my goals and reflect on my experiences. But I've been irregularly posting for so long it's strange to be back here. But for me it's part of the process of losing weight. I like having a place where I can track everything.

Today was the first day of my "no sweets" challenge. Earlier today I was thinking how it this challenge is contrary to what I've been trying to preach to myself for the last year. I've talked repeatedly about how I want to find a way to live with eating sweets every day (if I wanted to). But then I finally (just took a year!) realized how crappy I feel when I eat them every day. They aren't in existence to consume every day. There are better, filling foods to eat. And somewhere along the way I had forgotten that the primary purpose of food is to supply people with energy. Eating cookies and candy does not give me energy. They make me look and feel fat.

I feel like giving myself a gold star for this progress!

My 4 Day Challenge

2010-01-27T20:55:00.000-08:00

My sweet tooth is out of control! I keep on finding (or buying) sweets to snack on. I don't feel good after I've eaten them. It's not guilt I'm feeling but sluggishness and bloating. Also, it's like I can just feel the sugar turning to fat. So it's time to take control of this sweet tooth problem. I'm challenging myself to not eat sweets (cookies, candy, etc.) until the end of the month. I guess that's only 4 days. But I'll be super proud of myself if I make it through those 4 days. It will be a great way to end the month.

I went on a walk today to test my foot. After about a half a mile it started getting very irritated, spreading to my lower ankle. I stopped my walk after a mile and didn't even try to run. I feel discouraged with working out because I don't know what to do if my foot is bothering me. It isn't a horrible pain but I don't want to risk any serious injury. I'm really wishing I had my old apartment gym so I could at least use the stationary bike.

I'm a Follower

2010-01-26T16:18:00.001-08:00

I just went through my saved blog links and started following all the fitness/weight loss/health blogs I read. Why didn't I do this earlier? It makes everything so much easier! Now I don't have to look at each blog individually to see if there's a new post. (Yes, I've been doing that for the last few years!) What a waste of time of time!

I've been feeling really good the last few days. I've forgotten that internal feeling that happens when you eat better. Isn't that a weird concept? If you treat yourself good, then you feel better! Who knew?

Unfortunately my foot is still bothering me. I worked out yesterday afternoon - just using weights, crunches, and overall small movements because I was being mindful of foot. I decided to do some quick jumping jacks ( 3 sets of 30) to get my heart rate going. My foot felt okay while I was doing them but it's definitely more sensitive today. Darn.

How is it the end of January? Scary!

Good-bye, Guilt!

2010-01-25T15:22:00.001-08:00

I think I mentioned many months ago how I watch youtube videos about weight loss. I just watched this video. It is an interview with a woman who lost over 100 pounds and has maintained it for about 9 years.

The one thing she said that really spoke to me is to get rid of the guilt. She was mostly referring to the guilt that you ate too much food, didn't workout, didn't do this or that. But I realized that I need to get rid of the guilt that I gained the weight back. It is a hard thing to accept and move on. When I look at old photos of myself from that time period or read back through my old blog I get mad at myself. I think of reasons of where I went wrong and why I gained weight back. Because I feel guilty. I can't believe I did this to myself. I worked so hard to lose the weight like so many other people. I don't understand why I allowed myself to change back to my old lifestyle.

But I can't think about it anymore. It's not getting me anywhere. It hasn't helped me create a plan. Its given me excuses. I know it's not healthy to eat 10 cookies in a day. But for some reason I want to believe I can. But the normal person doesn't do that, do they? They eat one or two cookies and put the rest away.

My real step one is to stop feeling guilty. Instead, I should feel empowered that I know I can lose weight and stick to it if I hold myself accountable. I also am inspired by the blogs (and youtube videos) of so many other people who are fighting to live a healthier lifestyle.

I encourage you to join with me and stopping feeling guilty. We need to live one day at a time to meet our goals.

Weekly Check-in

2010-01-23T14:40:00.000-08:00

What a fast week! So I did well on only one out of my three goals for the year.

1. I didn't lose any weight this week. Actually, I think I gained a pound or two. I'm actually 4 pounds heavier then my ticker. I made the ticker last week and based it on my weight at the beginning of the year. I think I gained weight because of working out but not really changing my eating. I expect to lose it easily.

2. I did good with working out. I did make the mistake of probably pushing my body too hard during my first workout. I went walking/jogging last week and wasn't wearing good shoes to run in. That caused an uncomfortable tightness in my right foot. It's getting better but I've decided to be careful of not putting too much pressure on it. My husband and I spent over 7 hours during yard work on Wednesday and Thursday. While it's not the traditional workout plan, it's definitely good for body. My thighs and arms were sore for a few days.

3. I didn't track anything this week. I even have a pretty notebook I bought but haven't used it (except for maybe one or two half days this month). I really need to start using it.

One last comment - my husband and I decided to start a blog about our efforts to live a simpler life. The link is here if anyone is interested. I really want to write about what we're doing but want to keep it separate from this blog. This way he can contribute too and not takeover my health blog.

Snacking

2010-01-16T13:25:00.001-08:00

I've developed a really bad snacking habit. And of course I'm not snacking on carrots, celery, or an apple. A few months ago, I started eating trail mix. The mixture just tastes so good. And when we're out of trail mix, I don't know what to do! So then I just nibble random snacks here and there, before finally thinking I either need to make a small meal or ask myself if I'm really hungry. (The answer is usually no).

I know this is not something I'm going to be able to change over night. In fact, I think it might take a week or two to learn the control. I do know that right now I think it's the motion of eating rather than what I'm eating. It's pure boredom and comforting me somehow. But I don't like stepping on the scale and seeing the result of this extra snacking.

First thing I'm going to do to change this is stop buying the ingredients to make trail mix! I already talked to my husband about this step. The trail mix is really supposed to be for us to take as a snack to work. But I don't have the control right not to keep it around the house.

Second step is...well, I'm not so sure. I'm hoping that by removing what I turn to then it will prevent me from even thinking about it. (Although, I just reread my first paragraph and realize that might not work too well either). We don't have a lot of food around the house that doesn't require some sort of preparation. So if I start to prep something, then I'll have to really ask myself if I'm hungry or bored. And I'm sure 90% of the time I'm bored.

Maybe I should start keeping track of how many times I go into the kitchen during the day looking for food. That might be more eye opening then just tracking everything.

2010 Health Goals

2010-01-14T14:24:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about whether or not to actually write these thoughts out. I've written goals out several times and haven't seemed to be able to accomplish them. But I know the experts advice making goals so I'll just do it again. *sigh*

1. Lose 35 pounds in 2010 and keep it off! Why 35? Well, it will get me back to where I was 1.5 years ago. Also, it is a goal that is very attainable. If I did my math correctly, then I'd have to lose .7 pounds a week for the next 50 weeks to reach that goal. That sounds doable!

2. Exercise at least 4 times a week for at least 30 minutes. I've been struggling with exercising because I lost the apartment gym I had before. That is where I did the majority of my workouts. I liked the variety of machines and was one of the regulars. The house we moved into has hardwood floors. I tried working out a few times at home but I didn't like not having the extra padding. The exercise mat wasn't enough. But we have a rug now in the living space so it shouldn't be as bad. I've also come to the conclusion I can workout outside, even when it's raining. I just have to be prepared for the rain.

3. Tracking my food. This isn't necessarily tracking the nutrition content/points/calories just yet. Maybe someday but for now I just want to get back into the habit of writing down what I'm eating. I want to make it simple so it becomes a habit again.

I can accomplish these, right? It's not like I'm challenging myself to run a marathon. Now that would be crazy. At least for this year. ;)

The Simple Life

2010-01-08T09:58:00.000-08:00

My 2010 goal is to get back to basics with how I live. Or actually not really get back because I never really have done the things I plan to do. I'm not "Going Green" because I don't like that term. Somethings just bothers me about it. Instead, my husband and I are working on creating an environment where we are more self-sufficient and environmentally mindful. How do we plan to do this?

1. Gardening - I think I mentioned a few months ago that our house has a great garden plot that's already fenced. We've been making a list of the vegetables we want to grow and reading about how to actually make it happen. We have a list of almost 20 that we want to grow but we're starting with 8.

2. Compost - We just built our compost bin yesterday. It's really big - there are 3 bins. I took this picture yesterday but we've already starting filling that bin on the left with browns and greens. My husbands research has found that the compost should be 75% brown/25% green. It should take about 2 months for it to turn into fertilizer if we turn it once a week. If you don't turn it, then it takes about 6 months. The fertilizer will be used for our vegetable garden. (By the way, the garden space is right behind the compost).

3. Home Cooking - I enjoy baking and cooking so this doesn't overwhelm me. I am tired of reading ingredient labels and wondering what everything is. I also believe that homemade food tastes better! So I'm hoping that once the novelty of homemade food passes, then it will help lead to weight loss. Right now I find myself indulging in the homemade items (cause someone has to taste test, right)? But I have also noticed that my between meals snacking has decreased and I feel full a lot faster during meals. I do think that with this approach my weight loss will be a lot slower. That's okay because I'm looking for something I can do long-term.

Now since I am talking about these changes, I want to say that a few years ago is when my husband and I started trying to be more environmentally friendly. We started with buying our own reusable bags. It's a really simple change that does make a difference! When we went grocery shopping we would leave the store with at least 5-6 plastic bags in hand. (By the way, the reusable bags are so sturdy that we only leave the store with 2 or 3 of them). That's 30-36 bags a month and 360-432 bags a year. We've saved about 1,188 plastic bags in the last 3 years. How can someone think that does not make a difference?!

Other things we've done: stopped using plastic bottles, bought reusable/mesh sacks for produce, changed our cleaning products, taken advantage of the library, and a few other things that are just so natural for us I can't think of them right now. Oh and possibly too much information for some but I also started using the Diva Cup. It's brilliant!

We have some other goals for this year but those are the major ones that will take the most effort and time. I also want to say that like any sort of life changes, it doesn't make sense to do everything at once. Simple changes over time make things more doable.

Hello 2010!

2010-01-04T21:25:00.000-08:00

Oh boy, it's a been a while. A long while. I think about 2 months!

Where do I begin?

I've been debating whether or not to start blogging again. It's sort freeing to not feel like I need to come up with a blog topic every few days or week. I guess it did sort of feel like a job and not a place for me to write about my weight loss journey, which was the original intention of blogging. It wasn't as much fun. Instead it turned into guilt when I didn't blog and guilt when I did. I felt bad that I had so little good to report.

Cause at one time, I really thought I had the weight loss journey figured out. For a fairly short 7 months or so.

And then the last 1.5 years I've been struggling to truly get back on.

I'll admit - I want the best of both worlds. I want to be able to eat good food (not low cal, low fat, low this, low that food) AND lose weight. I don't care if I have to exercise too...cause that's a given in life and has many advantages. I think this is the problem I keep on arriving at. I can lose weight if I limit what I eat. And no matter how someone goes about losing weight, we are limiting and making restrictions about our diet, right? I guess the bottom line for me is that while I'm losing weight, I want to actually live the lifestyle I'll be living when I maintain my weight.

I don't know what I'm blabbing about anymore. I feel like I've talked about this before. I don't expect weight loss to be easy, but I do expect it to reflect what maintenance will be like. Because otherwise, I worry I won't be able to maintain. And maybe because I got so close once before, I know that I need to do something different for when I get to that close point once again.

So with all that said, I do plan on sticking with blogging. Otherwise, I wouldn't be taking the time to write this. I just can't promise what direction this blog is going from now on.

I almost forgot an explanation of where I disappeared to for the last 2 months. In my last post, I reported I had gotten a job. Well, it didn't turn out to be the great opportunity I was hoping for. Instead, I was extremely stressed and felt like I was going crazy. I finally realized that the position and money was not worth it and put my 2 weeks notice in. My last day was last Wednesday so I'm now unemployed again. I think it was truly the best decision for my mental health. I had never felt that way before and it was very bad.

I'm really looking forward to it being 2010. And a bit surprised that we are already here.

Week 6 Weigh-in

2009-11-10T05:29:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was such a great day. I'm still so happy about everything that I could barely sleep last night. And I doubt anyone will notice unless I point it out, but are you wondering why I'm awake at 5:30am? Cause I am now working! Yesterday morning I was called by a staffing agency to fill in for a position for a day (I met with this group last week and applied for this job last Friday). At the end of the day I was asked to come back tomorrow (today). After work, my recruiter called me and said they want me to come back all week. Really!? Also, they want me to work on a trial basis since it's a full-time position that opened up recently. I'm so excited! I can't really believe it and keep on worrying I didn't hear everything correctly. I really liked the company, people, and position I was working in yesterday. I was very comfortable there. I could barely sleep last night knowing that I got to go to work this morning. I haven't had to wake up this early in a long time! I know I'm going to be exhausted tonight and by the end of this week. So it looks like I already might have met my November goals. I just have to prove myself and do my best.

So then I went to weigh-in. I was so giddy that when I saw my mom, I motioned for her to come over while I stood in line so I could tell her all about the job situation. Then I weighed in and lost 4 pounds this week! Wow! I reached my 10 pound loss mark and feel great. I also noticed when I entered my weight in on my ticker that I'm exactly halfway to my 10% goal. I'm on my way!

I LOVE my yard

2009-11-06T11:23:00.000-08:00

I really do. We live on just under an acre of land. I love opening my kitchen blinds every morning and seeing this:

And the view from the outside:

It's so pretty and makes me so happy. I feel like I live in the middle of a park. Maybe because of the picnic table? :)

There is also a garden about 20 x 30 feet at the end of the yard. My husband and I were so excited about this when we looked at the house. Then we learned that most of what was planted, we didn't really eat. And we didn't have time to harvest or eat a lot of the food this year. Luckily, we were able to give most of it away to family and friends. Also, everything was planted very randomly, which isn't really our style. We are really looking forward to next early spring when we can start planting and growing new vegetables. Definitely expect me to post about our gardening next year!

Right now we plan on growing:
- Broccoli
- Carrots
- Green Beans
- Lettuce
- Onions
- Peas
- Potatoes
- Rhubarb
- Spaghetti Squash
- Spinach
- Strawberries
- Tomatoes

And that is only half of the list of things we wanted to grow! We're going to be busy. Good thing we are homebodies and love our yard!

Our yard also has a cherry tree, apple trees, pear trees, blueberries, and raspberries. We have mint and rosemary and probably some other herbs I don't know about. (My mother in law has walked around our yard with us a few times to explain what everything is).

A few weeks ago we were able to harvest a few carrots and red potatoes for ourselves. We also had one apple - not sure what happened to the others. Perhaps the Elk got to them? And a beautiful rose that bloomed in late October. It smelled so good! Okay, I know it looks tacky cause we hadn't put rocks in the middle of the vase, so my husband sort of taped up the rose.

Week 5 Weigh-in

2009-11-03T10:59:00.000-08:00

All day yesterday I was debating whether or not to use my no weigh-in pass. On Weight Watchers, you get a pass that allows you to skip the weigh-in but still attend the meeting. I had finally decided to just go face the fact that I gained weight again this week.

My meeting starts at 6 and I usually leave around 5:30ish. I went to leave and my car wouldn't start! (My battery died. I realized I accidentally left a light on from Saturday night). Well, this is when attending meeting with my parents was really helpful. I called them and they were just leaving their house. My house is a little out of the way but they still had time to pick me up. So we got there right at 6 to weigh-in.

So I gained .4...which is about a pound less than I was expecting. I'm a little disappointed in myself cause I know it was my fault. But I'm glad it wasn't too much and that overall, I've only gained 1.6 in the last 2 weeks.

My goals for November:
1. Lose 6 pounds
2. Exercise at least 4 times a week
3. Try 2 new recipes
4. Get a job. :)

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T10:22:00.001-07:00

I can't believe it's the end of October. This year has gone by so fast for me!

This is our first year we're actually doing something for Halloween. We're going to a party, which I was really excited about. But I haven't ate well this week so I'm nervous for tonight. I don't like Monday weigh-in's. My leader loves them and think they are great. I think they are too soon after the weekend. I'm not wanting to go crazy or anything with drinking and eating tonight, but knowing the scale is already up and weigh-in is in 2 days. Well, that puts pressure on me and stresses me out.

I'm not sure why I've been eating so horribly for the last few weeks. I think some of the reason is I have no schedule. Not having a job is really getting to me and I'm seeing how it affects so many aspects of my life. My motivation is a lot lower for everything. I don't things done as fast because in the back of my mind, I know I have all the time to get the things done. Why rush it? I'm really starting to think it's time to start looking for a part-time job and/or volunteering somewhere. It's so difficult to be for a full-time job as a recent college graduate with little experience.

Have a good day everyone!

Week 4 Weigh-in

2009-10-27T18:22:00.000-07:00

I gained 1.2 pounds this week. Hmm. You know, I remember last time I did this I gained the 4th week too. I'm so consistent. :) So even with the gain, I lost 7 pounds in a month. Who wouldn't be happy and proud of that? I definitely feel better and overall I'm making better food choices. Although, I went a little Skinny Cow crazy last week. They were on sale for $4 at Safeway so I stocked up! But then that meant they were in my freezer begging me to eat them. Multiple ones a day. So we don't have any in the freezer anymore and won't for a while.

I did great with exercise. I worked out 4 days this last week. The most I've done since I started Weight Watchers. I went hiking with my mom and her friend on Saturday. It was cold but nice to get outside. My husband and I did some yard work on Sunday. I spent a lot of time moving large rocks around. Fun!

I also wanted to update on my parents are doing. My dad has lost 9.6 pounds and my mom has lost 7. They are doing great! I'm so proud of them! Although, they both seemed a little disappointed at weigh-in last night. And I was the one who gained. lol

Month 1 Progress Pictures

2009-10-20T21:55:00.000-07:00

Well, they don't show much but I did promise myself I'd take them once a month this time around. Okay, I actually can see the smallest of changes. Hopefully, no one else is critiquing my pictures as closely as I am.

My starting pictures were taken about exactly 2 months ago. So even though I've only had 3 weigh-in's, I decided to take new pictures today. I added them to the sidebar too.

August and October

Weigh-in 3

2009-10-19T19:31:00.000-07:00

I was very off track this week. After using all my weeklies, I stopped tracking for a few days. I mentally was tracking in my head and somehow the end of the day would arrive and I hadn't written anything down! But yesterday I got back on track.

So because of all this I know I went way over my allotted points this week. Thankfully, I still managed to lose .8. I wasn't expecting a loss and was preparing myself for a gain. I was telling myself it would be okay. I had already lost 7.4 pounds in 2 weeks so it was only natural for my body to respond with a gain. But you know what I realized today? I think I was sabotaging my success! So what if I lost 7.4 in the first 2 weeks? Why couldn't I just have accepted it and not worried about losing too much too fast. I think sometimes I read too much into what the experts say. I was eating my minimum daily points and very full those first 2 weeks. It shouldn't have worried me. Sometimes that happens. (I just want to say I fully understand the beginning weight loss is usually more, but as I said in my other 2 weigh-in posts, that was the most I've ever lost in 2 weeks. That's why I was worried).

I'm also starting to get excited again. Did I say that last week? There was a man in our meeting tonight who had lost 15 pounds, but he wasn't happy because he's back on the program after gaining back some of the 80-something pounds he lost a few years ago. And while I can sympathize with his situation, I also realized I didn't like seeing someone else dwell on the past. Cause that's what it is. There's nothing we can do about it now. My leader said that she always concentrates on how long she's kept the weight off, not how much. I like that mentality.

Hunger!

2009-10-15T19:12:00.000-07:00

I've been so hungry this week. In 3 days I've already blown through my extra 35 weeklies. I have never done that before. It really scares me because I'm fully expecting a gain at next weigh-in. I've tried everything I know to keep hunger away. I'm drinking a lot of water, eating high fiber foods, following WW 8 Healthy Guidelines, staying away from the kitchen and yet still hungry.

The only thing I can guess is that my body is responding to losing 7.5 pounds in 2 weeks. I know that's an extremely fast pace and not at all what I was aiming for. I don't think my body likes it. I ate all of my daily and most of my weeklies the first 2 weeks so I didn't feel I was starving myself. I was so full at the end of every day. I do need to work on eating more protein. I eat very little meat (maybe a few times a month) so most of my protein comes from milk and cheese.

These next few days will be a challenge. I'm hoping this extreme hunger goes away so I can eat a normal amount of food again.

Weigh-in 2

2009-10-12T21:19:00.001-07:00

Another great week. I lost 3.2 pounds, which brings me to 7.4 pounds total. It's strange because last time I did this, I think I lost about 7 pounds the first month. It sure was nice to pass that 5 pound mark. I'm hoping after my next weigh-in I will be more enthusiastic and accepting of this weight loss. I'll have to take credit for it at some point, just like we also have to take credit when we gain weight..as much as I hate to admit that.

Last Thursday my husband and I rode our bikes into town to go grocery shopping. It's about 3 miles each way. On the way back we had to put everything in a backpack and my husband wore it on the way home. Well, that was one heavy bag! I could barely lift it. No way could I have carried in on back for 3 miles. When we got home he weighed it on the scale. It was about 35 pounds. And that really gave me a wakeup call. I gained back 40 pounds. I said to my husband, no wonder I'm so tired now! I'm carrying around a lot more weight then I realized.

I remember when I lost weight last time I used to pick up random items in the store to feel how much I had lost. Having it all in the backpack seemed to be more of a reality for me. I suppose I'll have to do something similar around every 10 pounds.

I'm really looking forward to this week. I'm definitely expecting a much smaller loss next week. I do lose a point this week, but that should be okay. I was very full last week, yet barely eating my minimum.

Cranberry-Oatmeal Bars

2009-10-09T15:10:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned before how much I enjoy baking? Cooking is fine too but I like the baking results much more. :)

In my search for wanting to try new recipes, I found this recipe in a Cooking Light magazine from last November.

Crust:
4.5 ounces all-purpose flour (about 1 cup)
1 cup quick-cooking oats
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
6 tablespoons butter, melted
3 tablespoons orange juice
Cooking Spray

Filling:
1 and 1/3 cups dried cranberries (about 6 ounces)
3/4 cup sour cream
1/2 cup sugar
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon grated orange rind (Okay, I just used another tablespoon orange juice. Not the same thing but close enough for me)
1 large egg white, lightly beaten

1. Preheat oven to 325 Degrees
2. To prepare crust, weigh or lightly spoon flour into a dry measuring cup; level with knife. Combine flour and next 5 ingredients (through cinnamon) in a medium bowl, stirring well with a whisk. Drizzle butter and juice over flour mixture, stirring until moistened (mixture will be crumbly). Reserve 1/2 cup oat mixture. Press remaining oat mixture into bottom of an 11x7-inch baking dish coated with cooking spray.
3. To prepare filling, combine cranberries, sour cream, sugar, and remaining ingredients in a medium bowl, stirring well. Spread cranberry mixture over prepared crust; sprinkle reserved oat mixture evenly over filling. Bake at 325 Degrees for 40 minutes or until edges are golden. Cool completely in pan on a wire rack. Yield: 24 servings (serving is 1 square)

Nutrition Information:
Calories: 133; Fat: 4.6 g; Protein 1.5 g; Carb: 21.9 g; Fiber. 0.9g;

Yesterday and Today. I've had 2 (1 yesterday, 1 today. My husband ate 3 yesterday. Can you tell he doesn't like crust pieces?) I also sliced them into 20 pieces vs. 24. If I remember correctly, that changes the calories to about 150 per serving.

They are much more of a dessert than a snack bar, but I baked them with the second purpose in mind. My husband and I both really liked them. He suggested next time I add more cranberries. And I agree more cranberries could have been used for the filling, it will probably help them taste more like a snack bar vs. dessert.

Weigh-in 1*

2009-10-06T08:57:00.000-07:00

*Well, not exactly the first weigh-in ever but the first one for this new journey. I really enjoy blogging about my weekly weigh-ins so I decided to keep on doing it.

I lost more last night than I've ever lost in a week. 4.2 pounds. But I wasn't jumping up and down for joy. I'll admit that during the weigh-in process and meetings I'm a little bitter thinking "how did I get to this point again?" So hopefully, soon I'll accept that this is where I'm at and start taking the losses for what they really are - proof that I am working hard and staying focused.

I mentioned in my last post that I'm going to the meetings with my parents. Our meeting starts at 6. I always like getting there a little early because I'm impatient and don't like waiting in a long line to weigh-in. I sat down around 5:45 and was watching the door for my parents. At 5:58 there was still no sign of them! I was starting to get worried because earlier in the day I had talked to my mom and she said they'd be there. I had told her try and get there a little early too. I walked outside and right then they were driving by looking for parking.

I watched them weigh-in. Neither looked as excited as I expected. My mom sat next to me first and I told her I was worried about where they were. Apparently, they decided to eat dinner before the meeting! Um what!? Who eats a whole meal before they weigh-in!!!? So my mom lost 1 pound and my dad lost 3.2 pounds. Lesson learned.

Hello Blogging World

2009-10-04T22:33:00.001-07:00

Um hi. Yeah it's been a while. Over a month. In almost 2 years, I don't think I've ever gone that long without blogging.

I've been busy. Very busy. For the past month, I spent at least 10-12 hours a day at our house working on renovation and refreshing projects. Thankfully, most of the indoor projects are finished (for now) so my husband and I have moved in! I will post pictures soon because I am very proud of the work we have done.

And this morning our internet was hooked up! Yay! So that means I can spend more time online again. (Maybe a good thing?) I have lots of stuff to catch up on. I've been trying to read blogs and do my normal daily internet routine but most of the time I felt guilty and went to work on our house instead.

I have more news. I rejoined Weight Watchers meetings last week. It's the only way I've been able to lose weight and be accountable. I've had so much time to think this last month that I finally realized that's the step I need to take to gain control again. And a few days after I mentioned it to my husband, my mom told me her and my dad were joining. So I'm going to the same meetings as them. It'll be interesting to be on the journey with them.

My meetings are now Monday nights. And since I've moved, they aren't in a Weight Watchers center like my old meetings were. It's strange to not be in their actual office. But the leader is very energetic and passionate.

Unfortunately, I'm starting off 5 pounds heavier than I did in November 2007. Wow. NEVER did I think that would happen. A few days ago I spent time reading my early entries on my old blog and I was so sure that I was going to lose the weight and keep it off forever. So this time...well, this time I'm just going to make it to my goal and continue living from there. I'll try my hardest not to worry about how I'm going to maintain cause that's so far away it shouldn't be a concern. I need to get to goal before I focus on maintenance.

I'm very much looking forward to catching up the usual blogs I read and being more of an active blogger again.

We closed!

2009-09-01T08:06:00.000-07:00

I've barely had any computer time in the last 4 days. We closed on our house on Friday. I've spent nearly everyday, all day at the house. We're doing a lot of things to freshen the place up. Every room is getting a fresh coat of paint. We're refinishing the kitchen cabinets. We have almost an acre of yard to care for. My body is exhausted. I hurt with almost every movement I make. I'm trying to rest a bit this morning before I start working for the day. This is the one time I've been glad I'm unemployed! But I have a job interview tomorrow and I'm really hoping this is the one. Out of all the positions I've applied for, this one I'm most excited about. It's something I know I can do well but still have a lot of opportunity to learn. It's also at a great place to work. The interview is tomorrow afternoon so I won't be doing any housework tomorrow morning. I need to just take the time to rest and finish preparing for the interview. It would also be awesome to get a job offer this week because my birthday is on Thursday. How cool would that be!?

Whenever I get more time and energy I'll start posting pictures of the house. The scale is showing I've gained a few pounds, which I think is BS because of the amount of calories I have to be burning off everyday. But I don't think I'm drinking enough water and not eating enough nutritious food. I tried to be better prepared yesterday by bringing some fruit and a homemade sandwhich to the house.

Lizzi Miller - Size 12/14

2009-08-24T13:47:00.000-07:00

This past week there has been a lot of attention about a model named Lizzi Miller. She photographed nude in Glamour magazine. Being a size 12-14, she's not the stereotypical model. (I was going to add a clicky for the link but I'm having trouble doing so).

I saw the picture this morning and apparently Glamour magazine has received huge feedback from it. Now bear with me while I write down my random thoughts.

First, is Glamour really surprised that this photograph has gotten so much attention? Isn't this what women and some movements have been pushing for, for years? This isn't something new. American women want to be better represented in the media. But apparently, most of us aren't doing a good job of helping support those women who do represent a different size. (Myself included. But I don't really follow too many celebs). So every few years something like this happens and then it gets pushed under the rug. Well, I guess Glamour feels it did it's job for the year.

Second, I'm really bothered by people saying "Oh, finally someone normal!" Or various statements similar to that. Let's get something straight...there are women in this world that are naturally a size 0, 2, 4, whatever size is smaller than you. And yes, other women have to work for that but do so in a healthy way. Please don't discount those women or make them feel self-critical about themselves. It's hard to see the other side of the weight battle, but some people truly have difficulty putting weight on. I understand women of those sizes are well-represented in the media but I think people should be more cautious with their words.

Third, I do admire Lizzi Miller for taking that photo (cause I definitely wouldn't be doing anything like that, especially now!) I believe her if she says she's a 12-14 and 180 pounds. I haven't researched too much but I'm assuming she's tall. However, in my opinion, her body does not represent what the majority of women size 12-14 look like. Many of them are still overweight or obese. Lizzie has one of the smallest stomach pooches I've seen. I compare this photo to when people say Beyonce or Jennifer Lopez have curves. Okay, yes, they are curvy women in the celeb world. But I don't think they accurately represent what most curvy women look like. I feel the same way about Lizzie Miller. She isn't what most 12-14 women I know look like.

Lastly, I really don't want anyone to think I'm putting Lizzi Miller down for the photo. It's not something most women would ever be comfortable to be doing. I hope I've expressed my opinions somewhat accurately in this post. I respect her for the photo, but I guess deep down, I still don't think she represents American women as much as people are making it out to be.

New Starting Pics

2009-08-22T10:36:00.003-07:00

I took new pictures last night and posted them in the column on the left. And then I tortured myself and went back to look at these photos from April 2008:

Okay, it's not really that torturous for me. Instead, it motivates me because I know I've gotten there before and I can do it again. I'm usually in awe of these pictures when I actually take the time to look at them. I think I was about 20-25 pounds from my goal in those pictures. Now I'm back to where I started.

I think taking pictures is one of the best ways for me to see the changes. I think I might take them once a month, not necessarily at certain milestones along the way like I did before. I'm just searching for different ways to hold myself accountable. I really should retake my measurements too because that was an awesome way to track. But I'm not sure where my measuring tape is...one of the cons of being in the middle of moving.

Those pictures were also taken in our old apartment in California. I can't believe it's been about 3 months since I graduated and moved from there! We get the keys to our house next Friday. I'm so excited! My husband is working so I'll be anxiously waiting for him to get home all day. I have to take my mom to a doctor's appointment in the afternoon, which will be a great distraction. (She broke her wrist a few weeks ago while my parents were on vacation). Although this blog is centered around my weight loss and healthy living, I expect I'll be posting house related things here.

"You've gained weight."

2009-08-21T15:27:00.001-07:00

Ah, maybe that was the wakeup call I needed. On Wednesday night I went to a gathering and a 12 year old autistic boy, whom I've known since he was 1, came up to me and told me I've gained weight and I need to exercise to lose weight. Hmm. I smiled through it and thankfully, his mother called him over to her.

That was pretty horrifying. Especially in front of other people. I don't think anyone overheard our conversation, but I spent the rest of the night worried he'd approach me again.

I thought I was okay and would ignore his thoughts. I couldn't help but wonder if other people are seeing this too.

Then yesterday my husband and I went hiking to visit a local waterfall. He took pictures of me. After reviewing the pictures, I think I'm exhibiting classic signs of trying to hide my weight.

Example A: The arm in front of stomach

Example B: The stand-then-sit posing (and the sitting pose isn't that much better):

So yeah, the signs are there. Gorgeous scenery though, right? It was about 90 degrees yesterday and we could feel the mist from the falls. There were quite a few people swimming too.

Today I took new official starting pictures. I'll post them this weekend. I need to visit my blog more often to keep myself motivated.

Fresh Berries

2009-08-17T10:36:00.000-07:00

I don't think I've mentioned it here yet, but for the last few weeks my husband and I have been going blueberry picking. I've never been a fan of blueberries, but I've discovered I love fresh ones. The local blueberry farm sells them for 1.75 a pound. So much better priced than the grocery store. It took us about an hour yesterday to fill our bucket and get just over 14 pounds of blueberries! We froze most of them.

Later on in the day we decided to go blackberry picking.

I don't think this will become a very regular occurrence. It is a lot harder than blueberry picking! It is free, but it also takes a lot of patience.

Last night we had a family dinner with my parents, my brother and his girlfriend, and good friends of theirs. I'm always so thankful to be living near my family again. I love the time we spend together.

One More Thing

2009-08-14T13:05:00.001-07:00

I did workout after writing my post a few hours ago. Nothing like a good workout to feel better about yourself.

Randomness

2009-08-14T10:53:00.000-07:00

This just isn't going as I want it to. And I know it's my fault, my problem. But I know I haven't reached that "lowest point" yet about my current weight. I know I reached it in Nov. 2007. It's what sparked me to join Weight Watchers and take it seriously. It's what motivated me to work hard every week. Part of my problem now is that I know how freakin hard it is to lose weight and stay committed. I've done it before and it's hard. It never "just fell into place for me." Every single day I had to think and plan what I was going to eat and when I was going to exercise. That's exhausting (or at least it sounds like it now). The payoff was great. I was healthier, happier, and proud of my success. But now? I don't even know.

There's a lot of internal feelings/thoughts I have that I don't ever write here. I don't want to own up to how I feel. In short, there are very few things I have successfully completed in life. I have always gotten scared. Success scares me. So I have self-sabotaged myself. Maybe I've never really felt worthy? I'm not sure. And that makes me sad. Mostly because my parents would be sad to know that. They tried to raise confident kids. I don't think it's a coincidence that just when I got half-way to my goal I downward spiraled back to where I started. It's a pattern.

I know this is such a Debby Downer post. But that confidence I had last year has just disappeared. Being unemployed doesn't help. I know it's the economy, but it's hard. I've gotten a few interviews now but hear nothing. I go into interviews prepared, show confidence, and professionalism, but I think I intimidate people because of that.

I've been thinking of putting my scale away for a few weeks. I gained back a pound or so this week. But it confuses me because I did things so much better this week then the last 2 weeks. I exercised more, ate better, etc. I have so much weight to lose. These changes should be showing a loss, not a gain. There's no reason for my body to be trying to maintain my weight. The scale is getting to me. I do weigh everyday (okay, a few times a day, but I know what number I should be around at certain times of the day). The only number that frustrates me is the number in the morning because that's the one that counts for me.

So I do want to hide my scale so I stop stepping on it everyday. But I'm scared to think about gaining another 5 pounds in 2-3 weeks because of that.

Week 8 Weigh-in

2009-08-08T15:47:00.000-07:00

I feel so late in updating this! Things have been a bit busy the last few days. I weighed in this last Wednesday and lost .8 for the week. Not too bad considering all the ice cream I ate! And the lack of exercise.

On Thursday my husband and I went for a hike. Believe it or not, this was our first hike since our mountain lion encounter, which was already a year and half ago! We had a really great time. It also helped me realize how out of shape I am. I thought we had chosen a fairly simple trail but it was more of a struggle then I expected! We decided to try and go on a hike every Thursday, until I get a job.

I also have now tried the infamous Green Monster smoothie. Not too bad. I could definitely see myself drinking one a few times a week.

My job search is still going. I had another job interview yesterday afternoon. I'm more interested in this position then the one I interviewed for last week. Now I just sit waiting for the phone to ring, hoping for an offer or even an interview for somewhere else. I know something will come along. I just have to be patient.

30 Day Challenge

2009-08-03T14:57:00.000-07:00

The heat wave is over and I've had my fair share of ice cream for probably the rest of the year! My birthday is 30 days from today. So the next 30 days I'm challenging myself to stay focused and committed.

For me this includes:
1. Tracking, preparing, and planning
2. Exercising at least 5 days a week
3. Not getting too sidetracked
4. Making it past a 5 pound loss and beyond (I've realized that I haven't made it past that mark all year)
5. Lap swimming. I researched our community pool hours today so I can start swimming a few times a week. I love swimming and this has been something I've wanted to do for a long time.
6. More to come!

I want to start the next year of my life physically and mentally healthier. In the past year (when I started gaining the weight back) I've noticed a drastic difference in my mental state. Basically, I'm just not as happy. I have experienced the difference and I want to be there again. Physically, I'm getting to that point where I can feel and see that I've gained weight. Unfortunately, my mind seems to take a while to catch up to reality. (This is experienced both ways. Whether or not the scale says 30 pounds less or 30 pounds more, my mind doesn't process it as a fact).

It's a great week to start this challenge because my parents are out of town. I can't be distracted by their food or eating habits. And then we'll only have a few weeks before moving into our house. I can survive a few weeks. Just have to keep reminding myself that I'm doing this for me.

Weekly Weigh-in 7

2009-07-29T17:58:00.000-07:00

I lost 1.2 pounds this week. I truly feel I am getting back on track. The last few days (especially today) have been hard. The heat is making me need cold treats. I've been eating lots of ice cream, yogurt, and Popsicles. But I'm not eating much else. Nothing else even tastes like anything. Thankfully, the heat wave should be gone by this weekend. I should freeze some grapes. I just remembered how much I liked those last year.

Good news on the job front. I was asked to come in for a second interview. I have two interviews on Friday afternoon. I'm really keeping my fingers crossed that this works out. I like the position and know it will help me gain great experience.

We're having a Heat Wave

2009-07-28T15:14:00.000-07:00

Whew. It's been so hot these last few days. I'm usually not one to complain about the heat, but it's been bad. We've been nearing 100. And most people in the Northwest don't have air conditioning. It's 3 in the afternoon and 90 degrees in the house. This morning I did a quick workout because it was already 85 degrees in the house. I just did a bit of a weights and abs and called it a day. I was sweating after 10 minutes.

I had my phone interview yesterday. I think it went really well. I felt I really connected with the person interviewing me, who would be my manager. It wasn't even the position I thought it was for, so I think I did a great job coming up with answers on the spot. This position is through a temp agency and there seemed to have been a mix up with the job description they sent me. For the last few days I was preparing for the interview based on a fairly different job. Thankfully, the interviewer reviewed the position at the beginning of the interview. It was difficult because I hadn't had an opportunity to think about the situational and behavioral questions she would ask for this position. I really hope that my instinct is right about the phone interview. I should know next week if they want me to come in for a second interview.

And we locked in our interest rate on the house today! I was getting nervous because they have been increasing a bit this week. It went back down today. We have a free floating rate option so we can lock in at a lower rate if they go down more. Also, I heard the sellers are interested in moving up the closing date. I have to talk to my husband tonight about that. It would be great if we could move in a bit earlier! Just keeping my fingers crossed on everything! This summer has been so crazy. I can't believe it's the end of July!

Weekly Weigh-in 6

2009-07-25T13:01:00.000-07:00

I've been debating for the past few days whether or not I should count my unofficial weigh-in on Wednesday as a weigh-in. Today I decided to take the number for what it is (+4.8) because if I don't, then I'm not holding myself responsible for my choices the last few weeks. It's disappointing but I know it's my fault. I just need to accept it and get back on track. Sometimes I think I'm being naive that I think I won't gain weight when I eat how I do. But there's some part of me that still denies the choices I make. I know the majority of people living a healthy life have to work very hard to maintain their weight. I guess some people just seem to make it look so easy.

Everything with the house has been going well so far. *knock on wood* We close in 5 weeks and I think that time should go by fairly quickly. I have a phone interview on Monday afternoon. I'm really excited and think it will be a great position (and company) where I can begin my career. I'm really hoping that goes well.

So I'm back to where I was, but I can do this. I have done it before. I need to embrace the time and commitment it takes to eat healthy and exercise. I know I did enjoy it at some point. I just need to find the spark again.

Weekly Weigh-in 5 and 6

2009-07-19T16:42:00.000-07:00

I know I've been missing. I think that tends to happen during summer. Everyone is busy or at least it feels we are busier. I skipped last weeks weigh-in and will be purposefully skipping this next weeks too. I've let myself slide too far. No good reasons, just excuses. I've been trying really hard today to get back on track, which at this point means just eating fairly healthily all day. Not easy considering the way I've been eating for the last 2 weeks.

This month has just flown by. I really can't believe it's the 19th. I've been caught up in appointments for the house and spending a lot of time job searching. I've been much more aggressive about finding a job now. Tomorrow I have an appointment with a temp agency. I'm hoping I can find something to at least start gaining some more experience. And to make money. :)

I always feel like I have so much to share but then when I actually sit down to write, I can't remember anymore. This is another reason I need a job. It takes longer for me to actually think and communicate complex ideas to others. It's scary how quickly that happens! And I've only been out of school for 2 months.

My Big News!

2009-07-11T14:11:00.000-07:00

We bought a house! I'm so excited! We weren't planning on actively looking until next year. We thought we wanted some time to live here longer and figure out what location we preferred. We've driven through some neighborhoods and my husband has talked to lots of people at work about their commutes. We've always loved our hometown area but were keeping other options open.

Last Thursday my husband came across this house online that we both liked enough to put in the effort to drive by. Turns out, you can't see much anyway while driving by. So then I called my parents neighbor (a REA, I also used to babysit for his kids) and told him about the house. He got us in for a showing that night. We knew right away we wanted this house. We've looked online for about a year, walked through some newer homes, etc. just to get a feel of what we wanted. But we really had no plans to bring in a REA so soon. Anyway, we then scheduled another showing for Monday night for that house and another one to compare. Walking through the house on Monday night made us confident that this was the place for us.

We got preapproved on Monday, put in the offer on Wednesday, got a counteroffer Thursday, counteroffered back on Thursday, and then yesterday our REA sealed the deal for us. We signed the final offer last night. We close on August 28.

The house is 3 bed/2 bath and on almost an acre. There is already a garden and fruit trees too. It's very livable, but has lots of potential to fix up if we wanted. This is a house we see ourselves living in for 20+ years. It could really be our forever home. Not at all what we were expecting for our first house.

And to top yesterday off, I might have a job lead. It's so nice when things fall into place and I'm just trying to embrace it all. I'm hoping everything goes smoothly from here.

I've been eating Junior Mints and Doritos like crazy the past few days. Those seemed to be the only foods my body craved. I'm hoping to get back into a normal eating pattern again! Too much excitement.

Weekly Weigh-in 4

2009-07-08T15:38:00.000-07:00

Wow! This was week went by so fast. I had a great weekend and really enjoyed spending it with my friends and family.

I maintained this week, which I'm very happy about. It's also been a stressful week...but I'm not going to say why just yet. But it's a good stepping stone in our life. (No, I didn't get a job. And no, I'm not pregnant. That's probably clue enough of what I'm talking about.) Anyway, the stress eating really started today. I've had the strangest addiction to Junior Mints for the past 2 weeks. It's ridiculous how many I've ate. I hope the obsession goes away soon. It's been a busy week and a busy day. A nap is sounding good right now.

Weekly Weigh-in 3

2009-07-02T13:55:00.000-07:00

Well, I surprised myself and managed to not gain this week! I actually lost .2! But I know not to expect that again if I continue living the way I have this past week. Today my husband and I went for an 11 mile bike ride. Once again, it just amazes me how after I exercise I automatically make better food choices. So much of this process seems to be dependent on the other.

I'm really looking forward to the 4th. We are planning on going to 2 parties and my game plan is to get in lots of exercise the next few days and eat lightly on Saturday until we go to the parties. On Sunday we are headed to a wedding reception of sorts (the couple were married out of state so they are having a celebration for their family and friends here). It will be a busy weekend but I just have to prepare, track, and exercise to stay focused.

My 3 Keys

2009-06-30T10:54:00.001-07:00

I haven't been focused at all this past week. My lack of preparing, tracking, and exercise has led to an expected gain tomorrow. (I just coined these the "3 Keys" for myself). They are all part of the equation. I can't exercise, but not track. I can't track, but not prepare. For me, all of them are equal components to being successful and feeling better. Some days I'm better at a single element. This past week I've been bad at them all. At this point in time, exercise should be the easiest. I'm home all day. But it's somehow really easy to just push it off and then eventually the day has come to an end. Preparing is so-so. I am finding it a bit more difficult then ever before since we are living with my parents. My mom and I trade off making dinner. In all honesty, the majority of her dinners are not as healthy as mine. So I guess I need to just eat smaller portions. Tracking is something I can do every day, but I do feel a bit guilty when I know what I'm eating isn't that healthy. Therefore, I just don't track it. Ignorance is bliss, until I weigh-in.

Weekly Weigh-in 2

2009-06-24T15:39:00.000-07:00

I lost 1.4 this week. That is great considering I sort of lost the tracking thing halfway through the week. I was mentally tracking, which we all know is never as accurate as we think. I kept up with my workouts and tried to make good choices whenever possible. I never did run this week. I no longer have an apartment gym (which is where I used to do my running). I have to go outside now and I'm not really looking forward to doing that. I determined to try running again, even though I really don't think it's my thing. But most people think that, right?

My biggest challenge this week is probably that I'm attending a baseball game tonight. I wish ballparks offered healthier food choices. I suppose most people think that takes the fun out of the experience. I just want some variety.

It's amazing how much better I feel after just 2 weeks.

Yummy Breakfast

2009-06-23T10:58:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in another post, I've been watching youtube videos about weight loss. One of the girls I watch makes these short videos about what she eats. I always enjoy finding new ideas! Her favorite breakfast (and I think it's now mine too) is oatmeal with a banana and tablespoon of peanut butter. I'm telling you, this was so good! I just tried it this morning and I loved it. Best of all, it was really filling. Judging by the video, it looks like she usually precooks a batch of oatmeal for the week. She uses a 1/2 cup every day, 1 banana (mashed up) and 1 tablespoon of peanut butter. So simple and so satisfying! If you're a WW point counter, it is fairly high in points. My oatmeal is 3 points but I suppose people can find a type with less or maybe even use half a banana and half a tablespoon of peanut butter. But the breakfast this morning was well worth it!

Weekly Weigh-in 1

2009-06-17T08:32:00.000-07:00

I decided to change back to Wednesday weigh-in's so I had a few extra days this week. I like Wednesday's because then I don't stress about weekend eating. We all know those are the days when it seems harder to stay on track. I like having 2 days afterward to get refocused.

The good news is I lost 3.4 pounds. Now I'm 20 away until my first goal. I do have more challenges coming up this week. I'm meeting up with friends tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday. Then Father's Day is on Sunday. But I'll just keep tracking and working out to stay focused. I think I'll run into more challenges along the way this time because we live by our family and friends again. I'm not living in a cocoon as much as I was before. But I like that because it is more realistic. I'll be given more opportunities to decide if I want to indulge or not.

I'm looking forward to this next week. I hope to start running again. I have yet to sign up for a 5K but my SIL's are doing one in September that I said I'd sign up for.

It's that time of the year

2009-06-16T19:11:00.001-07:00

My husband and I are living with my parents for a while. This brings about different temptations that I am not used to dealing with. Maybe the teachers can relate to what's happening in my household right now. I go downstairs this evening and eyeball a nice pile of candy sitting on the dining room table. Junior mints, M&Ms, licorice, brownies, cookies, you get the idea. My dad is a bus driver and this is the last week of school. The parents are sweet enough to give him presents (usually happens at Christmas time too) but unfortunately, they are often a pile of temptation. I should at least be thankful the pile is not as bad as it used to be. Years ago it would take up the whole table. The size of the pile just depends on the route he has every year.

Tomorrow is the last day so I'm expecting to see more. I'll be hiding in my room for the next few weeks.

Interview Update

2009-06-12T16:53:00.000-07:00

Well, it didn't go nearly as well as I was expecting. I was really prepared, probably even overprepared after reflecting on how things went. But I'm really okay with it because I knew very quickly it wasn't a good fit for me. I felt very unwelcomed from the beginning and I don't want to work for a place like that. Also, it gave me the chance to buy my interview suit and prepare questions.

My week has been awesome in relation to eating and exercising. I was hungry the first few days (back to counting my beloved points) but that is tampering away. I've also worked out for about an hour every day. I've been watching some youtube videos of people going through the weight loss journey. It's inspiring and I respect how much effort they put into making so many videos. I don't have the patience for that! This blog is about the most I'll do.

First Interview Scheduled!

2009-06-09T15:42:00.000-07:00

Wow! I'm still sort of in shock but I have to let that go and start preparing! I've only applied to 3 jobs since moving back here. I was applying while I was still in California but never heard back from anywhere. I received an email today to schedule an interview for the first place I applied to lats week. I'm ecstatic! I called back and the interview is scheduled for Thursday. I feel really fortunate to be called in for an interview with the way the economy is and with the competition I have. It's also a really good entry level position for my field.

Now that means I have to go shopping tomorrow for a suit! And I need to start practice interviewing and doing my company research too. My husband is off work tomorrow and will get the lucky job of helping me prepare.

As a side note, I ate dried apricots for the first time today. I'm not sure if I really like them but one serving was really filling. I'm hoping its one of those foods that just takes a few tries to like.

My First Big Goal

2009-06-08T14:40:00.000-07:00

For the umpteenth time I've started my ticker all over. My first main goal is to get out of the "obese" category (based on my BMI). It will take a while but it'll be nice to get back into the "overweight" category. Also, the 23ish pounds is roughly half of what I need to lose so I'll concentrate on that for now.

Today's been going well. I've been tracking and have exercised. I need to go grocery shopping tomorrow to buy some filling snack food.

A Fresh Start

2009-06-07T22:03:00.001-07:00

This new blog is long overdue. I've been thinking about starting it for a while. I feel like there is too much negativity in my old blog. While it is a great reminder to myself that I can lose weight and be committed, it is also a reminder of how much I got lost along the way. I get so caught up in what I'm doing wrong that I dismiss what I'm doing right. I don't give myself credit for what I am doing. This past week I've worked out nearly every day. I've gone on 3 bike rides (over 30 miles total), played basketball, played tennis, and used the elliptical a few times. I've really enjoyed being so active.

I think it's also time for a new blog because I'm now in a new part of my life. I've moved to a different state, graduated from college, and will hopefully soon start working at my first real job. I'm excited about these changes and look forward to the other changes to come.